Thoughts, Sentiments, Views...the works!

Hope

2012-02-01T11:38:00.001-04:00

Reading real life stories like this one, make me feel a warm glow inside me. I feel, slowly but steadily, we can bring about a revolution in our country. I know there is still so much to be done, but one day at a time, one child at a time, I do believe we can get to and go above our potential!

Sponsorship along with support from the family (probably most important) helped them become self-sufficient and pursue a happy life!

I sponsor a child and I am really proud of her! She sends me the sweetest letters every Eid and Diwali. I see her pictures every year, and in just 2 years I have seen her transform from a chubby child to a beautiful pre-teen, ready to spread out her wings and fly high! She loves to paint, and languages are her favorite subject in school. I sometimes day-dream about her becoming a writer, or a famous artist! But most of all, I pray for a healthy, happy and independent life for her.

If you have the means, I urge you to consider it. There is nothing more satisfying...

Edited to Add: Through Children's International, you can sponsor a child's education anywhere in the world (not just India). Helping any child anywhere to become educated and independent, is welcomed. This is not a sponsored post, this issue is just close to my heart and hence the post.

Broken thoughts..

2012-01-30T21:01:00.000-04:00

Darkness and cold. Lost and lonely. Desperate and hopeful. Distance and doubts. Sad and strong. Brave and defiant. Submissive and devoted. Prayers and faith. Bargaining with Him. Arguing and Negotiating.

Love. Family. Life.

The ironies that aren't funny!

2012-01-24T07:43:00.001-04:00

My brother, who lives in a developing economy comes home from work at 10 pm, and sis-in-law who works from home finishes at 10.30, can walk into the living room and have food readily prepared on the dining table.

M &I, who work (and currently live) in a developed economy, come home from work at 9.30 pm and have nothing to eat.

Some ironies aren't that funny ha? Don't feel sorry for us though. We did have some "theplas" in the freezer that we were able to enjoy! ;)

In some other news - the weekend blended into this week so quickly, I did not even realize! This is going to be a long, busy week. But I am going to try my best to not bring home work this coming weekend! Touch wood. I just realized, that there are only 3900 weekends (out of which almost half are gone). I am determined to make the best of remaining 2000 I have left!

Snippets of my (very random) thoughts

2012-01-21T15:39:00.000-04:00

I feel really proud when my American colleagues travel to India for work and always describe their experience as amazing/scary. I am sure they are being kind to me, and that traveling to India evokes many more emotions in them - like pity of poverty, fear of traffic, flabbergasted(-ness) at the number of people, and many many more. Why do I feel proud? Every time someone tells me that, I remember this incident that happened to my sister. Born and raised in Indore, Madhya Pradesh, when she went for an MBA-entrance interview for a high end college in Mumbai, she was asked this question (no doubt by some snotty Mumbaikar, who thought everything starting from Borivali and the rest of the India is nothing but so-called "backward" India) - "Why should we admit you to this school? Coming from a small town (since when Indore is "small", I have no idea, cos I always feel lost there) to Mumbai, how do you think you shall cope?". My sister, a proud Malwi, answered - "because, the difference between me and Mumbaikars is, I can come here and learn your ways, easily fit into the fast life, but if one of you were to go and try the same in Indore, you wouldn't stand a chance". Ha.

You can't be everywhere, and you can't do everything. It's that simple, and yet my mind refuses to understand this simple piece of information. I feel extremely stressed right now. Since Tuesday, my housekeeping started going down the hill. By Friday, the sink was overflowing with dirty utensils, the bedroom was covered in clothes lying everywhere, the dining table was full of "stuff", and the couches were all a big mess of cushions, throws, papers, measuring tape(?) and remote controls. I have not swept the house for 2 weeks now. Don't even get me started on the bathroom. AND I have a LOT of work stuff to catch up to this weekend. On the bright side though, I went to the Gym twice this week and spend some quality time with M yesterday.

Me: Shruti, you can't be everywhere, and you can't do everything!!
Me: I know, but I cannot live in this mess, but I also don't want to spend the entire weekend cleaning, and working.
Me: Just suck it up...

Gentlemen who golf

2012-01-18T07:36:00.000-04:00

"She figured out early what every man with a corner office has long known: To make it to the top, you need a wife. If that wife happens to be a husband, and increasingly it is, so be it."

"Seven of the 18 women who are currently CEOs of Fortune 500 companies—including Xerox’s (XRX) Ursula Burns, PepsiCo’s (PEP) Indra Nooyi, and WellPoint’s (WLP) Angela Braly—have, or at some point have had, a stay-at-home husband."

"At-home dads are sometimes perceived as freeloaders, even if they’ve lost jobs. Or they’re considered frivolous kept men—gentlemen who golf."

Says this article. Although it may, on the surface look like a good way of repentance for men, the question begs to be asked - Isn't this creating the same problem all over again, but this time with men? Won't there be a generation of men, sometime in the future, struggling to find their feet in the woman's world, while trying to manage household stuff at the same time. And even though at some level, my evil self would love to see it happen, to be completely fair - it's not fair. Is it not possible for both spouses to have a high-flying career AND a life AND a family? Is that really too much to ask?

I think what needs to happen, and what is slowly but surely taking place is, both need to own equal parts of the responsibility of earning the moolah, but also taking care of family and home. If that is not possible or feasible, then something about our attitude needs to change that makes the person who stays at home feel like this -

"Caring for children all day and doing housework is tiring, unappreciated work that few are cut out for—and it leaves men and women alike feeling isolated and diminished."

Staying at home and taking care of children, is also what my mother did, and I respect and appreciate her for that. That is an important job, important enough to leave a job that pays, and it deserves it's due respect. But what is that change that needs to be made to make the person (man or woman) who now does a full time job of caring for home with no weekends, or paid vacation, feel the significance that they deserve?

Thoughts?

Check!

2012-01-16T00:02:00.001-04:00

Hola! Hope you guys had a nice weekend! I did!

This weekend, I am proud to say I was able to check off one more thing off my list! You guys must feel so irritated by me, cos I have been going on about the list for like ever. Well, like I mentioned, I am obsessive. And the item I crossed off this weekend has been on my things-to-do list ever since we moved here. So yeah, for almost a year now. What, I just have been really busy being lazy.Anyyway, lets focus on the positive, that this project has finally seen the daylight.

So let's get right down to what I finally accomplished -

~~Find and install a "devghar"~~
I ~~was hoping to~~ finally go went to Target and ~~get~~ got a small shelf to hang under the kitchen cupboards~~, but that never happened~~!

That was probably confusing to read ha? Basically, long story short, I finally got my sweet behind to Target and bought a small shelf that will fit on the wall under the cabinets and not block my microwave.
Take a look!

And I am not trying to show off but I also managed to check this off - ~~Finally donate the stack of books set aside to be donated a few months ago~~
That too on a weekday! Thanks to a very helpful friend. To my utter disappointment, the library refused to take all the books, so I had to recycle some. Such a shame.

And just so you guys don't think I have turned into a total religious nutso, I want to share some awesome ideas I wish I had found, before I created my photowall -

My Photo Wall

I did not search online at all when I thought of doing this, but I wish I had cos I found some pretty classy ways of making a photo wall, much better than clipping some photos to a ribbon. Oh well, the good thing is I can always take my photos and implement these ideas -

Make A Stylish Photo Frame For Several Photos

Decorate A Boring Blank Wall With Photo Mosaic

DIY: Cheap and Easy Photo Wall

Very easy and affordable ideas! Love them! :)

Faith

2012-01-13T00:46:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning, and grew up a little. Usually, I listen to pandora or dhingana.com while getting ready for work. This morning, I found it too inappropriate to listen to "Ooh la la", in the face of a beautiful sun rise. Instead I searched for bhajans and bhaav geet and listened to those. I was never a big fan, but today the soothing sound, restored a little bit of faith I had lost recently.

While growing up, I remember waking up to the sound of bhajans many times, as both my parents though not deeply devotional in a conventional way, are very spiritual. Although I didn't fully appreciate it then, it maybe the most pleasant thing to wake up to. Especially when the mind is full of chaos.

One of my favorites is this one by Ajay-Atul, sung by Shankar Mahadevan -

Words are not enough

2012-01-10T07:43:00.000-04:00

What do you say to someone you're close to when they are in so much pain, that you can practically feel it half-way across the world? No words can ever convey the way your heart wrenches, every time you think about them. All I have been doing is having conversations in my head so far, and even those don't go well. Even in my head, I am not able to express the grief I feel, or make them feel any better. All I can do to keep breathing, when I feel I will choke myself thinking why it has happened, is remember what my Mom told me - "We are too close to the picture to understand why anything happens. He knows what's best for us because only He can see the big picture."

Some one very close to me is going through a really tough time. It's extremely unfair and they don't deserve it, nobody does. Please keep them in your prayers and thoughts.

Bedroom fun!

2012-01-07T18:42:00.000-04:00

This isn't what you think. I am not going to reveal funny stories (or any other story) of M & me from the "bedroom", not that anything funny has ever even happened. Really. No funny business. And before I completely bury myself into this self-dug-grave, let me start over. Remember I promised to bring you glimpses of my home, when I showed you my kitchen. Well, here's more of the series. Before I get into the "good" stuff, a lil background is in order - I am obsessive. Most of the time, my obsessions are short lived. But sometimes they become a part of me. That’s what has happened with me and my home.

These days (since several months), I obsess about my apartment being clean and organized. I love coming up with creative and less-expensive ideas to keep my home organized and make it more beautiful. Furniture is expensive in the US, and furniture shops (read ikea) are really far. It is impossible to buy stuff without spending a boat load of cash. It is even less possible to have it custom made, cos that might lead to bankruptcy. People DIY here. I was skeptical with the idea of it. Painting chairs myself? Are you kidding? But then I had some free time and nothing to do at one point in my life. I got into it, and have been in love with it ever since! I am still learning, but I love my projects (even the ones that failed). This is one of the projects that I finished in April last year.

We had just moved to our new apartment in March and the older bedside tables (ikea lack table) were not working in this new space. I did not want to spend too much money buying new ones, cos well they are expensive (even $25/table makes it $50). I decided to wait and do some research, look at some pictures and see if I could think of a solution. I looked at this picture and loved the minimalist bedside shelves -

Source

I wanted to do something similar, and I took a trip to ikea (disclaimer: I just love the store, I don't get paid to write ikea so many times on my blog, though it wouldn't hurt :>). I was browsing through the store when I saw this -

Source

I bought two of these at $6.99 each. Bought a stain color (can't remember which), that matched our existing bed, a polyurethane can and a paint brush, all of which must have cost around $12. And then I went to work. I stained the box with at least 3 layers of stain between drying (it's a thin ply so it kept soaking up the stain) and two layers of polyurethane. At this site, I had read the tip of sanding between coats, which really worked. I hung them on each side, along with some cute lamps and ended up with this -

Moving right on (past the crinkly bedsheet) - our bed does not have a headboard, cos when M bought this bed (it's his originally), for his "bachelor pad", he thought this one looked very manly (Men!). To add some color and interest I bought this, cos I love maps, this is what our bed area looks like now -

I love it! That fact that the bedside tables cost a total of $26, and the fact that I love them more cos I DIYed them adds to all the fun! :)

I have some favorite sites that I read everyday (like this, this, this and this), and they inspire me. These sites are also where I learned how to paint, decorate, organize etc (I didn't know the first thing about even holding a paint brush) and get most of my ideas here! The learning process continues and there is a long way to go. And these are my proud baby steps :)

That's all from my bedroom for now!

Everyday life and a beautiful thought

2012-01-05T11:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday evening I read this. When I went home I told M (in almost an accusatory tone of what have you done?) "You know one of the blogs I read, her boyfriend (now husband) came all the way from US to India for one day just so he could be with her on her birthday". M, completely understanding my implication, without a pause said "Don't you mean her boyfriend *went* all the way from US to India for one day just so he could be with her on her birthday"?

And now that the daily dose of amusement from my life is over, this wonderful blogger (who also happens to be one of my coolest aunts) sent me this, saying she read this and thought of wishing us :) -

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

Made my day!

Wordpress or Blogger?

2012-01-03T23:46:00.001-04:00

I was trying out Wordpress today for fun. I moved all my posts there. I thought I would get so much more sophistication with Wordpress, but I really didn't. Or maybe I am just not used to it yet!

Also it seems to have screwed up the formatting of my blogger posts :(

I have a question to all the wordpress users out there - why do you use it? do you like it? what do you like about it?

I need heeelp!

Taking stock

2012-01-02T19:37:00.000-04:00

I made a list of things to accomplish in my 10 day holiday, (which is now very very sadly coming to an end) and I want to thank the blogosphere, cos if it weren't for the fear of losing face in front of the blog world, I wouldn't have done even one of these. But I am proud to say that I was able to cross off a lot in this list. Let's see shall we?

1. ~~Sew the button on M's jacket, fix the zipper on it too~~
It took me only 8 months and 15 minutes to finally do this!

2. Find and install a "devghar"
I was hoping to go to Target and get a small shelf to hang under the kitchen cupboards, but that never happened!

3. ~~Buy a new mattress~~
Went to ikea and bought one, and also a new comforter (and a bunch of other stuff ;))

4. Finally donate the stack of books set aside to be donated a few months ago
Hopefully soon!

5. Finish painting letter 'S' and hang it somewhere
This too!

6. ~~Figure out a way to DIY frames for inspirational cards I've been collecting, and find a place to hang them~~
Bought frames from ikea, cos they are so darn cheap there, and hung them too. The cards say - "Be Colorful", "It's a world of possibilities" and "Be Bright". All of these are marketing cards from AT&T, Vera Bradley, that I have been saving to frame and hang some inspiration around the home! I finally decided to hang them in the bedroom over the drawers.

This last one was a greeting card of some sort. It has Ganesha face on it, that I hung in kitchen! :)

7. ~~Vaccum the entire house (yes, it's been a couple of weeks since I did that :( )~~
Done!

8. ~~Craiglist some extra furniture lying around the house~~
Now just waiting for buyers to pour in!

9. ~~Sleep a lot~~
I kind of went above and beyond on this one ;)

10. ~~Go to the library and borrow some books~~ and finish reading them
I cheated on this a lil bit, I borrowed from the digital libary, so didn't technically "go" anywhere and still reading the books -

11. Hang a clock in every room
I tried to do this one, and could not find the spare clocks I thought I had :(

12. Watch episodes of "The Dewarists"
I was too busy doing number 9 most of the time, never got to this one..haha

I did some other stuff too, that was not on my list -
- Threw a New Year's Eve party at my place complete with the decorations and party hats!
- Made a photo wall for "the year that was" as a tribute to the first year of my marriage that ended yesterday (the first year, not the marriage). Yes, my anniversary is on January 1st. There are photos for each month signifying what we did that month. Everyone was really amused with it in the party!

- Celebrated my anniversary, by going to a nice Moroccan restaurant where we enjoyed - delicious food, some awkward moments cos a belly dancer came and danced at each table (mostly on my part, M & the dancer seemed very comfortable) and some mind-blowing music! We also went to a fondue place to enjoy some molten chocolate dipped goodies! During the day we enjoyed a 3-hour Siesta after partying till late the previous night!
Sidenote - When I told one of my friends, she seemed disappointed with how we spent our day. I asked her, what did you think we would do, bunjee-jumping, and she said yea, something more exciting than dinner. Ahhh, the naivety of being single ;)
This is us, ready to go out and have fun -

And here's the amazing belly dancer teaching me some moves -

That's all from me to account for the holidays and the new year. All in all, I think they were very well spent! How was the new year's eve and the new year for you?

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T02:31:00.000-04:00

I did not want to make any resolutions this year. They don't last for me. I make lists and forget about them. Remember I made the list of things to do in the 10 days holiday. I haven't done even half of them! But I did do some other things, so why bother making more lists to not stick to. Instead I only have a few wishes!

Here's to a healthy and happy year! Have fun guys, see you next year!

Weird alert

2011-12-28T11:49:00.000-04:00

Before I get into that - Merry Christmas! Hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend :)

And now for the actual post. So, I saw a random tag going around the Blogosphere and decided to pick it up! The tag is to list weirdest things about your other half (I like to think I'm the better of the two halves, hence the use of "other". I tried to think of ways to put this in less boastful sounding statement, but then again why hide the real me from you. Our (you-blog world and me) relationship is based on trust and the truth is - sometimes I show-off).

Thankfully, M won't be doing this tag, cos I bet he will have more weird things on me, than I have on him (Like - she is strangely delusional about how awesome she is).

I think the original tag was just listing facts, and somewhere along the way "weirdest" got added to it. I am fine with it either way! ;)

Anyway, enough chit-chat. Here we go -
1. M can break into the most random songs that he is the lyricist as well as the composer of. Like yesterday, I was mad at him and after some back and forth on the peace treaty, he went into the kitchen to heat up frozen Rotis for us and promptly broke into a - "She really hates me right noooooow....but she really loves meeeee...so what should I dooooo". I sat outside listening to it, trying not to laugh. This is not the first time, in the span of 3 years I have heard counless such compositions, that make no sense and range from cute to super annoying.To me that's really weird...Who does that?

2. M doesn't know how to tie his shoelaces. Or to be more specific, how to tie his shoe laces for one of the shoes. I swear, every time we are walking to some place just one of his shoe's laces will come undone every 5 minutes.

3. M is super scared of canines. Even little puppies.

4. He looks different in every photograph. Not kidding. If I go back to see his pictures for the 3.5 years we have been together, I cannot find one picture that looks the same as the other. My friends and parents had a hard time picturing what he looks like before they met him cos his pictures are so drastically different.

5. Crazy fan of SRK. Like worse than even teenage girls are for Twilight. He was excited for Don 2 for more than a year I think. I am afraid to watch the movie with him, in case he squeals in excitement when SRK first appears.

And now I will go and hide somewhere until M can forget that I "exposed" him so openly to the blog world. In my defense, I was feeling lazy and couldn't think of anything else to write about! I am sure everyone has already done this tag, but if you have not, feel free to pick it up! I would love to read it...

PS: Yesterday, we took a trip to ikea and I snapped pictures of some cool ideas! Will share them with you very soon!

I want to remember every moment

2011-12-23T14:11:00.000-04:00

Dear Husband,

I want to remember every moment of my life with you. I probably won't. I will probably only remember the special few, but I don't want to forget yesterday evening's everydayness, that I keep wanting to go back to.

You did not want me to drive to work, cos I was not feeling well. You thought I wouldn't be able to drive back. I wasn't so sure myself. I went anyway, and when I reached work I knew I wasn't feeling up to driving back in the evening. I asked you to take a train, 20 miles outside the city to come meet me and drive us both home. You said yes, without a moment's hesitation. And we had the best time. We went to your favorite Indian Restaurant. I like the food there, but the service always manages to drive me nuts. As it did yesterday, when the waiter told us we were ordering too much food for two people - Mirchi Bhajji, Uttapam, Daal Tadka, Goat Biryani, and Lassi. Okay, I agree, it was too much food, it always is. But I don't like to be told that. But you did not even care, and we got into our usual discussion about who is right - me or you! The restaurant was playing old hindi songs on the TV and we watched them together, sitting on the same side of the table. Me singing along the songs and you saying things that I did not know how to respond to, so I just sat there amused.

We had useless discussions about work, what kind of people are good dancers, gossiped about our family, and friends. It was hilarious. I had the best time. The drive that seems to go on forever everyday, got over too soon with you. And I am afraid, our life will pass me by too quickly in your company, and I won't even notice. Well, I guess that's the whole point. But at least I know I will have a good time. Life will keep throwing curveballs, and we will keep going through ups and downs. And, I am glad I will have you by my side, through everything. And I know you will always be there to drive me home.

Love,
Just same ol' me

Thoughts to live by!

2011-12-22T11:25:00.001-04:00

Source

No Title

2011-12-21T07:19:00.000-04:00

I am sorry people, I cannot think of anything to write here. My thoughts are pre-occupied by a mouse. A pest *says with great disgust* that has plagued my thoughts. Yesterday morning, I was making coffee in the kitchen when it ran OVER my feet. YUCK. DISGUSTING. I went to get mouse traps the same evening while coming back from work. It has not been caught yet.

I am going to be wearing boots around the home till it gets caught.

PS: Sorry to have ruined your day with the disgusting image. I am so disgusted, I want to run away!

Genre I don't normally enjoy

2011-12-20T12:20:00.000-04:00

In recent times (which can range from anywhere between last week to last year), I have started to enjoy a new genre - violence. Did I just make it up, or is that really a category? Who knows..

This year, I read trilogies of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and "The Hunger Games".

Until now I have been into mysteries, but more of the quieter tone like - Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot by Agatha Christie or subtle ones from Jeffery Archer. Occasionally, I also enjoy me some Dan Brown. I love reading legal dramas by Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper etc.), or emotional dramas like - The Help, or even some light-reads like Chetan Bhagat or Mitch Albom. But I have never been into Science Fiction (which is what some people consider Hunger Games), or a disturbing fiction like - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. And I was surprised to note that I really enjoyed these books. So much to the point that I could not wait to read the second and third books of both series. Lets talk about them a little bit, shall we?

Embarrassingly, I was more into "The Hunger Games" trilogy than I care to admit, cos it's targeted audience is teenagers, which I clearly am not. In my defense, I was a little annoyed with the love triangle at times. But the plot blew my mind away. Read it if you haven't. I promise you will not be able to stop at the first book. The premise is (and I am not giving anything away, it's all on the back of the book) - In the post-apocalyptic future, North America is a nation called Panem consisting of 13 districts, and ruled by The Capitol. Some decades before the story begins, the districts have an uprising and they rebel against the Capitol. The Capitol wins, completely destroying one of the districts in the process. The outcome of the uprising is - Hunger Games, where a girl and a boy between the ages of 12 & 18 from each of the remaining 12 districts are sent into an arena, where they must fight each other to death, until there is only one left - the winner of the Hunger Games. When I heard about this book, I was shocked to hear, there could be books like these out there and people could actually be reading them. But in the end, everyone around me was reading it (including my manager and my book club) and I buckled under the pressure. I read it and it was a very interesting and engrossing read.

Now - "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" trilogy, was a completely different type of book, thankfully targeted towards adults. It's well written, and even though I did not relate to any of the characters, I was absorbed by the story completely. The main character (you know - the girl...with the tattoo...of a dragon), was disturbing, intriguing and amazing at the same time. I think the Swedish names in the book, was a detail that I really loved. Random but interesting to me. Not to say that I did not enjoy the plot. I did. It is at times disgusting and terrifying, but very exciting! It is very intricate and detailed, and though I enjoyed reading it, I don't think I should attempt to describe it. In short, it's a story of a girl who also happens to have a dragon tattoo (ha ha).

And the point is (yes, I was trying to make one when I started writing this post, even thought it seems like I lost it somewhere along the way) - Although I don't usually enjoy reading about or watching violence (and both these books have a fair amount), I am glad I was able to explore it through these books. Change is not easy for me, and I am glad I was able to expand my horizon just a little bit more.

I am not usually into movies made from books (even though I always watch them, to compare), but I am really looking forward to watching the movies for both these books! The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (starring Daniel Craig (James Bond) and Rooney Mara (from the The Social Network)) comes out today, and The Hunger Games sometime early next year! Can't wait!
Sidenote - The only book-based movie that I thought was as good as the book - "The Help".

Has anyone read either of these trilogies? Did you like them?

The Eternal Optimist

2011-12-19T00:24:00.000-04:00

Inspired by this post I decided to make a list of my own. Digression - Did I tell you I have a 10 day holiday coming up between Christmas and New Year's? End of Digression. Yes. Are you jealous? Don't be. I will tell you in a minute why you shouldn't be jealous. M does not get those days off, so we can't really go anywhere. I was trying to plan a trip with a friend, who does get those days off, but we never ended up planning anything. So, basically I have a 10 day holiday with nowhere to go. I refuse to add "and with nothing to do", to the statement. What does that leave me with - things to do. Yes. Things, that I have been putting off for months, must get done. Here we go -

1. Sew the button on M's jacket, fix the zipper on it too.
2. Find and install a "devghar"
3. Buy a new mattress
4. Finally donate the stack of books set aside to be donated a few months ago
5. Finish painting letter 'S' and hang it somewhere
6. Figure out a way to DIY frames for inspirational cards I've been collecting, and find a place to hang them
7. Vaccum the entire house (yes, it's been a couple of weeks since I did that :( )
8. Craiglist some extra furniture lying around the house
9. Sleep a lot
10. Go to the library and borrow some books and finish reading them
11. Hang a clock in every room
12. Watch episodes of "The Dewarists"

This may seem less, but trust me, after I sleep in late and nap in the afternoons, read in the mornings between the sleep schedule, watch episodes of "The Office" on Netflix, cook meals, blog and hang out with my got-the-10-day-break friends, there will be little time left to finish everything. But someone wisely said - Aim high. And so I will. (Also why this post is called - the eternal optimist)

Wish me luck!

Mushy-feely

2011-12-16T07:36:00.000-04:00

Have you seen the movie "Up"? Who hasn't, right?

Two clips of the movie that make me feel all mushy, and "awwww" -

Movie's DVD on my wish list for Christmas, New Year's and/or Anniversary (It's Jan 1st). I am working on posts for the wedding, and the trip to Hawaii (the 'moon)...All of it is coming soon ;) (see how I rhymed that?)

Till then, see these videos to know what M & I look like in my head (M does have the exact same nose, and obviously I am hundred times better looking than the real life me). Sometimes it's fun to think in cartoons! Try it!

No words

2011-12-15T20:31:00.001-04:00

I will let these pictures do the talking. To sum it up - busy and bad days at work.

Sh*t has hit the fan -

Source

And then I'm all -

Source

And then all -

Source

And how it's like these days -

Source

What might make me feel better -

Source

But what I think I will have to settle for -

Source

Honestly though, I was (am?) pretty depressed. Which is ridiculous, if you think about it, cos it's just work. But also, it's WORK. And, then whatever-you-do-do-your-best-ness kicking in, along with the guilt of screwing something up, is a recipe for disaster. Either way, it's going to be Friday soon!

Anyone have any thoughts on how to deal with such things?

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-14T00:01:00.001-04:00

I love the holiday cheer, the lights and the beautiful Christmas decorations going up around the city during Christmas! This year I decided to join the spirit and decorate a Christmas Tree. I bought a small fake tree from Target (for 10 bucks), and decorated it. In retrospect I should have gone for the slightly larger tree with lights, but it was slightly more expensive! Since I didn't know how committed I felt towards celebrating Christmas, I decided to start small.

I wanted a smashing tree topper, that I searched for everywhere, but couldn't find one I liked. So I made my own....

Take a look

All I did was cut out some thick foam from an old watch box, in the shape of a star. I found some "Happy Birthdays" lying around, and I cut out the "Happy's" from it, and pasted it on the foam star and voila!

It makes me really "happy" (ha ha)!

Happy Holidays everyone!

Obsessed

2011-12-13T07:22:00.000-04:00

M & I are obsessed-in-the-listen-to-it-constantly-on-repeat way with this song since the weekend. Folks in India - do you guys watch the show? Is it as good as it sounds? I am going to start watching the episodes on youtube soon as I find some time.

Minds without fear

2011-12-11T21:42:00.001-04:00

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

- Rabindranath Tagore

Home Sweet Home

2011-12-08T22:31:00.001-04:00

I have decided to open up my home to you guys! Don't ask why. Did you question why you own that fabulous dress, or why you saw a beautiful sunset, or why you've been traveling to exotic places (if you are btw, would love to know about it!) or why you won that lottery? Good things just happen. For no reason.

Here's a secret - there is no way in hell that my entire home is ready to be photographed and posted on the WORLD WIDE WEB at any given point in the time space continuum. There are only special co-ordinates of space and time when some room in my home may be close to decent. The chink in the armor (of mess). Such moments are rare and priceless and they rock my world.

The point of it all being - today it's just the kitchen. Here it is. Voila.

The pictures quality isn't the greatest. I know. But. I could not let you guys look at a clear picture and figure out where all the mess is hiding. But I am not done with the kitchen yet, you see. I have yet to point out to you all the awesome, creative sh*t going on in there (that I want to, but cannot take full credit for. Ideas came from everywhere, when I started complaining about the size of the kitchen, because one - lets face it, it leans towards what experts call - cozy spaces and two - It's really SMALL).

Tip #1 - Maximum use of Wall spaces.

Tip #2 - Maximum use of IKEA

Tip #3 - Container Store has awesome stuff for kitchen

To sum it all up. I have this narrow kitchen with just one wall of cabinets. No pantry. To top it off, that cabinet towards the end is blocked by the Refrigerator. Which means, I cannot be keeping everyday stuff in there. I was stumped for some time with the kitchen. But then, I started browsing IKEA. It has been my goto for all the the stuff in my home. I LOVE it.

That's how I came up with the idea of this wall rack to keep my everyday cooking utensils. Yes, they are larger than usual. What can I say, Small kitchen, Big utensils. That's how life goes! I think the best surprise was I was able to use if for lids. I never know where to put those.

I also used the space right above the stove, to keep oil, salt and pepper, so that I have easy and quick access to those while cooking. This was a friend's idea. Brilliant. (Also a torch, for emergencies).

More use of wall space to keep bounty and cleaning stuff over the sink -

I found these amazing things in the Container store. They basically double up my shelf height. And yes, I do use steel utensils. It wasn't tasting like real Indian food until, I ate it on these. Shoot me.

So there you have it. My kitchen. And part of the story behind it. The other part is, it took me weeks (not kidding) to figure all these solutions out and then some more weeks to actually install them. Basically, the building I live in has WEIRD walls. Some spots the nail will bend, but not go in. And some spots, it will go right in and slide right out. In US, you cannot just have someone come and do it for ya and you pay them something minimal like 10 bucks. No sir. Everything is DIY (Do it Yourself). I suppose you can still get people to do this, but their rates might by sky-high, which I could not afford. These are the times, when I miss India so much. (There are other, more meaningful times too, like when I miss my India for family reasons. But there are these times too. A lot of them. You gotta take what you get).

So, that's how it went down in my kitchen. I will come back with more stories for the rest of the home too. Soon. As soon as I can get to clearing that mess. It's like it has a life of it's own. I clear out one room and it appears in the other. It's like energy, it cannot be destroyed, only transformed.

See how I was saying married life isn't easy. And you all thought I was talking about M.

PS: All this home stuff - all part of the nesting syndrome ya'll!

Testing

2011-12-08T07:48:00.001-04:00

Trying to post from my phone.
And the sunrise from my window.

Breathe and re-boot

2011-12-08T06:54:00.001-04:00

Sometimes life tends to be at a standstill. At such times, I try to keep it moving. And sometimes, it moves so fast, there's only enough time to breathe and run with it. What was I up to for so long? Just trying to breathe and run as fast as I could. And then I realized, I may never stop running long enough to write a post, or two. So here I am, running and writing and breathing and attempting to re-boot my blog.

Now that I have the philo-crapo-sophy out of my system, let's talk about what I have been up to? Lets see? Bullet points?

Started a new job more than a year ago, roughly around the time I took a break from writing. Blinked and realized, more than a year has gone by.
Got married.
Almost closing in the first year of my marriage. (Side note - It's not as easy as people make it seem)
Took a trip to Hawaii (Highlight of my year, definitely. It really is heaven on earth. Post on that, soon)
Took my parents to NYC, Washington DC, Niagara Falls. (Me = Proud)
Took my parents-in-law to San Fran. (Love that city)
I grew up. No really. I did. How you ask? (Ok nobody really did, but I will tell you anyway) - I manage a household by myself now (with help from M). And no, it's not always smooth sailing. I "decorate" and do "nesting" stuff, like clean, re-arrange furniture, hang wall art etc. I have started to learn to try to manage my money.

Of course, there are so many details that I am leaving out, so as to not bore any of my fans out there. I know you guys have been holding thy breath everyday! You can relax now, this blog will probably survive. I hope. (Who am I kidding? IS ANYONE STILL HERE?? *holds her breath, and waits for a comment*)

And here's a picture from Hawaii. To make this post interesting.

As it turns out

2010-04-01T08:33:00.000-04:00

I am not yet ready to let it go. Comments from you all (all 4 of you! :)) also made me think about it. And I came to the conclusion that, maybe I just need some change like changing the background color, or moving to wordpress or something like that! We'll see.

Thank you so much for your support guys.
@Rani - Special thanks to you, since I know it's not easy for you to comment on blogger.

Also it would be really unfair if I deleted my blog without acknowledging the award that it has got me. (yes, it's true!). But all that after I come back from my long cherry-blossom-ing weekend in Washington D.C.

See ya'll on the other side!

I am not sure what to do?

2010-03-24T12:50:00.000-04:00

I am constantly getting thoughts about deleting my blog. Have no things that I feel like sharing anymore. I am not sure if this is temporary or permanent? What should I do?

No good comes out of ignoring your Prime Minister!

2010-02-25T14:45:00.003-04:00

When I first started to writing about women's issues, I could NOT decide one issue that is the most important. There are just so many of them! But I know many great bloggers (mostly women) all around the world are writing about all these issues, making their readers aware. This post is for them. And to the Prime Ministers of our homes - the prominent women in our lives. Mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, daughter-in-laws, who run the household, work, maintain public relations, take care of everyone, find time for all the people in their lives and yet manage to look wonderful all the time! What else must these superwomen be called if not Prime Minister? It takes more skills to do all this alone than it takes to run a country!

And this thought made me back up a little bit. What exactly is a Prime Minister? Someone who is responsible for everything. The buck stops at him. Or in this case her. And then it's really easy to make the correlation. Unfortunately, that is where the comparison ends. There's all the responsibility, but none of the perks. A bulk load of money and resources are spent for the well-being of one, but none for the other. It pains me to see that we go about our lives taking so many things for granted, including the health of these great women.

How many of us go for regular complete check-ups? For all we know Blood Pressure, Cholesterol, Breast or Ovarian Cancer and many other life-threatening diseases could be right around the corner. We live precariously on the edge! I have seen many women lose their lives for ignoring symptoms and going to the doctor at the last stage, when nothing can be done. When something could have been done, only if they had been more careful! If you have ever air-traveled, you would know this - Anybody is supposed to put on their own oxygen masks first before helping others. Then how can we go about our lives taking care of loved ones, without ever thinking to take care of ourselves? How many of us remember to regularly check for lumps in our breasts? How many of us even know when it is supposed to be done? How many of devote time for regular exercise? How many of eat stale food so that the rest of the family eats fresh? Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?

And I also know that there are many more issues that are far more grave than this one, and yet we forget the lessons of childhood. Start with the simplest problem. Take the first step to solve this problem that should not even exist in the first place! And then, when that is in place go out and change the world! Make it a better place for all women.

And so, this is my appeal to each and every woman out there - Please take care of yourself. Take time this women's day and appreciate the best one you know - yourself! Let this be the day when all of us make efforts to keep ourselves healthy and fit, so that we can help out many others out there who don't have the resources to do so. Take time this women's day to go for that annual check-up, join that yoga class or just remind yourself of how much you and your life is worth, not just to yourself but to an entire household that you run, which will break down if it wasn't for you. Appreciate the "me"!

Cheers!

This is my entry for the IndusLadies International Women's Day Blog Contest. I chose to write for Hygiene & Healthcare. I am very interested in knowing a man's point of view in women's issues, so I am also going tag one along with the women. I apologize if you guys might not find time to participate, but I am still really interested in knowing what you think!

So I tag - Amortya, Avanti and Chica. Take it away guys! You can find the contest here.

Profound thought for the day!

2010-02-18T19:41:00.001-04:00

And you bettah hear me cuz it don't hit me everyday sistah!

Ok so now that that's out of my system. Phew. Anyway, it hit me in the shower, just like all great ideas do...based on my day today - You cannot keep waiting for the right moment to take the plunge. Like you cannot keep saying I am going to do it(whatever it is that you want to do) when I have a new house, enough money, more friends etc.You just have to go ahead and do it. Take the plunge. Dive into it. Immerse yourself. You know, get the picture? And no I'm not talking about swimming here. (Gotcha!)

And yes, I know what you're thinking (I can read minds). This? I already know this? What's new in that? Well I'll tell you what's new. Nothing really. I just wanted to remind everyone who reads this today/tonight.
Go. For. It. No matter how big or small .

(Although I would suggest start with small. Also this blog and it's author are in no way responsible for the ill consequences of this advice, even though we are open to receiving gratitude. In cash.)

Seriously. Do it. Also, here are some steps on how to "go for it" -
Step 1: Figure out what it is that you want to go for.
Step 2: Think of consequences that might affect this blog or it's author.
Step 3: If there's anything that you thought of in step 2, goto Step 1.Else goto Step 4.
Step 4: Go for it.

If you want more redundant algorithms on how to go for it, please contact the author. (It will cost you.)

Later!

PS: Seriously, Go for it! :)

Getting older, dreams, wedding...Life!

2010-02-17T19:40:00.000-04:00

I had a funny lil dream last night. I was at my engineering college reunion. There were boys there too somehow, even though my college is all-girls. But that's not the point. The point is, all girls were crying cos one of my friends (who is now married for 2 years) wrote a speech about how difficult life is after marriage. And of course I missed the speech, since I reached there late (I reach late most of the places, it's a disease, I'm a victim!), but got this gist when I reached. In my dream.

I woke up laughing. But obviously I had to dissect it under a microscope. Why did I get this dream? Why? Is it because I am scared of getting married? Maybe. See I am not even sure where I am going with this information here. But I guess I just wanted to put it out there. In case someone knows a cure. And while you're at it, I would also like to know how to get it up for my own wedding stuff like - mehendi, make-up, jewellery, saris.

On an aside, these days I keep thinking about how old I am getting(25!). And how it's changing me. Just the other day I was looking into the mirror and getting the famous "I'm so ugly" syndrome. But soon enough I checked myself. I reminded myself that i am 25 and not 16 anymore. I need to be more confident and comfortable with myself. Obviously this pep-talk didn't help for long. But something else did. I saw news, and saw how terrible a situation it is in Haiti. And then I couldn't help but feel lucky and surprisingly got over my syndrome in a minute. If I was 16, this wouldn't have happened. So yea, maybe being 25 gives you flabby mid-rif (or is it - sitting and doing nothing), but it also gives you wisdom. For which I am so thankful! Life's good!

Long overdue story

2010-02-11T14:26:00.001-04:00

A few thousand years back, I had promised to come up with the story of "Meet the parents", and why it's such a bad idea for me to go through with it. Now, after several thousand years, here it is -

Yes. I met his parents (obviously, since we are getting married now!!See the more I say it, the more I accept it). And before I go into anymore details of how it went, we will travel through time a bit (No, not just because. There's a reason I promise.).

So let's rewind to some months back in time. In my defense I did not even have any business being there. I was only tagging along. There I am sitting in the living room of a friend's brother, who's just had a baby. Let's call him "Bhaiya". (duuu-uh). And his wife(newborn baby's mother) - "Bhabhi". (super duuu-uh). Anyway. I could not find out for sure, but she definitely looked not more than 26. Alright? so now use your imagination. There I am visiting them for the first time. And there we all are - my friend, couple of other friends, me, Bhabhi, baby; all laughing, cooing at the sweet kid. And suddenly, out of nowhere, God alone knows why in the world, Bhabhi goes - "Aap log kuch lenge, kuch chai yea cold drink?". I mean why? Why would she do that to me?

You want to know why it is so terrible? Ok, I'll tell you why. Because I replied this - "Nahi nahi Aunty, don't worry, kuch takleef mat kijiye!!!" Duuuuude, I called that girl barely an year older than me AUNTY!!!! Imagine my embarrassment! OMG. And reading many mommy blogs did not help, as I knew, right around this time - she would have been also dealing with post partum depression, relatively low self-esteem, and such like! Now I was feeling super embarrassed AND super-duper guilty. Eventually I did go and apologize and to her utter amusement, explained my stunted social skills and awkward behavioral syndrome as the reasons for the "unfortunate accident". Thank God I did not drop her baby after all this.

This was exhibit 1.

Now lets forward to two weeks ahead (we had traveled back, remember? we are still in the past of now, for all who think we are looking into the future). I am invited by this friend over dinner, since his parents were visiting and are leaving in a couple of days. I am meeting them for the first time. He(my friend) has of course invited like 15 more people, and there I am sitting in living room - full of people who I am seeing for the first time! Just for fun imagine you are a deer and it's night time. You are going along happily on your way without a care in life, and suddenly out of nowhere you are blinded! There's more light than even in daylight, and of course you freeze. Did you imagine the deer's face? Good. Now put that face on mine, when his dad asks me a loud question across the room - "Where do you live beta?".

Disclaimer: Not only am I very awkward in social situations, I go mute when people talk to me across the room because then everybody can hear what I say. Ok back to the question. Simple enough right? Wrong. (Background: He's visiting US for the first time has no clue about any area in Boston) And so I stuttered my way to utter embarrassment - "I live at 42 Symphony Rd, Apt 5". And the moment I said that I realized how dumb must I sound, so instead of clarifying I just shut up! Fortunately - M came to my rescue and saved me by saying that's near our school. (Maybe that's why you need someone by your side. See another good reason to get married).

And there are many many other similar stories, but all this time travel has made me time-travel-sick so I'll summarize by saying these were reason enough for me to freak out of my wits. Cos I was not just meeting his parents, I was meeting his uncles, aunts, their children, and then their children. You get the picture. Long story short - it went well. I might or might not have had a Cosmo before meeting them. Although I was quiet for the most part, I mostly did not talk crap when I was asked questions. Maybe God was finally cutting me some slack (at the right time too!) after all the crap He released into the universe through me. Or maybe, just maybe I am not socio-phobic (is that a word? I'm too lazy to google) anymore. Yea right?!

Later folks!

It's official

2010-01-28T14:24:00.000-04:00

All the time that you & I have known each other - if there is one thing that you should know about me by now, it's this - I am a bundle of controversial joys (to put it nicely). Like how I hate fuss and creating scene, but myself am a drama queen? So when you read the previous post - yes you thought right. It was about M and me. It was about us fighting. (Gasp! How can she admit it so openly?!) (And it was also a little about drama).

Tangent - I am trying to let my other voice speak too. See I have these two voices in my head like everyone. (If I'm wrong about this don't bother to tell me otherwise). One is the serious me who takes everything that life throws at me in its appropriate seriousness and deals with it like normal people. The other voice though is a little whimsical. It laughs at everything that is serious. And deals with everything else that is normal with sarcasm or something like that. The brackets are this voice.

Anyhoo. (You can ignore me all you want, but I'm not going anywhere). Yes we got into fights. Plural. Ugly ones. Fights that lasted days and nights. Like war. But unlike any other war story this has a happy ending. Somewhat. We both decided not to fight. (Yeah, that worked! Sure!)

Reason. Motive. Why? (Wait for it.........) We are getting married! (Pin-drop silence followed by laughter?) And since I have to be stubborn and difficult every time something changes, I sure as hell did not leave out this opportunity. And you know how I tell you all the stories of how understanding and how co-operative M is? Well he chose this opportunity to be not so. So basically it took long days and nights of discussion, fighting, yelling, to reach a common focus about the wedding. Yes, the reason for the fight was difference of opinion, prejudices and lack of common vision. About the WEDDING! (How much more lame can this get. A wedding? People have bigger problems. Grow up.) And then I remembered what Saif Ali Khan seems to be saying in all the movies that he does - We were perfectly happy till we decided to get married. Makes you think. Made me think for sure.

So why? Why do people get married? I obviously did not want to get married before knowing why I am getting into it. So I thought - why not? I obviously love him enough to want to be around him. I know I enjoy his company. And obviously it gets a little lonely after a while, so why not have someone who is obligated to accompany you! (Ha! You are so evil!). And so kind ladies and gentlemen, we decided to plunge into it with all we have! I will be obviously including you in stories of what happens after. Till then stories about how I am trying to enjoy the fuss that weddings are and how all the fuss is.Driving. Me. Crazy. (Did I tell you I HATE wedding fuss, but that story some other time since we ARE talking about peaceful beginnings called marriages! Ha!).

We are now accepting your best wishes (in CASH ONLY). I will come back with a concrete plan of wedding as soon as it's good enough to be dissected by public eye.

Over and out. (Later b*****s!)

She didn't know what, but something changed...

2010-01-11T04:02:00.000-04:00

Why did he turn away?
Why didn't he pull her close?
Why did she see no emotion in his eyes when she was crying hers out?

How could he leave her alone to fight with her worries? All she has is questions that are unanswered and tears that are ignored. She feels alone. Like a crushed soldier in the battle field whose mate has left his side. The point was not what he said. Or did. It is all the words that he didn't say, it's all that he didn't do.

I have news!

2010-01-11T01:12:00.000-04:00

Our family has the newest addition - my lovely niece was born yesterday!!! I love her. I loved her from the moment I knew of her existence inside my sis-in-law's tummy, and she couldn't have come out fast enough! I don't even know what she looks like but to me she's the most beautiful thing on the planet. She doesn't even have a formal name yet (kachori & chinti don't quite work as formal) but like my bro said yesterday - this nameless wonder has four fully-grown adults totally captivated and right under her thumb! God bless you sweetheart...I will always love you so so so sooooo much! And I am sorry (and you cannot begin to imagine how sad) that I am not there to welcome you, but I do hope that someday you love me a lot.

When I got the news, I called up Sai (Hi Sai!) who did not wait to inform me that I will soon be obsessed and call home at least a hundred times each day. I laughed it off. I even thought to myself, she's nuts - just because she did it when her nephew was born doesn't mean I'll do it too - I'm not her. And it's true. I did not obsess a lot. Just a little bit. Like when I woke up at 2am last night to drink water, I decided to call home so that I can hear her crying (that's all she does, when she's not crying she sleeps!), but she was sleeping(big surprise huh?). So then I just told my mom to describe in detail every little thing that she had done during the day. After a good half hour, I hung up and went to sleep really regretting the day I decided to come to US. And then when I woke up in the morning, I called up home again to try my luck again and ended up talking to my bro this time asking him to tell me every little thing that she does.

I feel so sad to be all the way over here. I just wish, so wish that I could go home for some time before my job starts to spend some time with this little wonder. Dear Santa - I did not ask anything for Christmas, can I get this wish, pretty please? And no I am crying right now, just a little choked up.

And now I think I'll call up home again. For the fiftieth time! (Just kidding, it's only third in this day).

Later!

I don't usually do this!

2009-12-31T15:46:00.001-04:00

What you ask? Well, you know - reminiscing and recounting the past year, making resolutions etc etc. All the "New Year" customary things that people do. I get too lazy around this time to do anything at all. But I do have this one ~~superstition~~ belief - Whatever happens on the first day of the year, whatever you are feeling that day, and however you deal with things - is what will happen the rest of the year. And sure enough, on the 365th day(like today for 2009) I don't remember a damn thing to actually confirm this. So I just move onto the next year without thinking much about the past and without really looking into the future, and just live in today. This year it won't be like this. I may not remember what Jan 1, 2009 was like but I do remember bits and pieces of this year and I want to document them. I am 25 and I already don't remember so many things that have happened in my life. I think it will be good to have notes about it!

This may seem like a deviation, but I promise it is related (remotely). So day before yesterday, I saw "Up in the air". George Clooney is like the messiah of anti-relations, anti-commitment, anti-family, and anti-love. Eventually he realises it doesn't work that way, and is talking to his bro-in-law-to-be (who's got cold feet), trying to convince him that love and marriage are the right thing to do. He asks him this - Remember the most important moments of your life? Were you alone? I won't tell you what really happens after this as that is not the point of this post. The point is - most important moments of life. So today I give you just that. Most important and memorable moments of my life (in 2009) -

Second year of my Masters had just started and my grades were on the lowest level of the deepest pit on the least-distance-above-sea-level plain on the.....you get the point. I had to do something. I spent my entire time, resources and energy in working towards my grades. And I got straight A's.
I got an internship even before people had started applying.
Befriended my friends (Sai & Sneha) again and started reconnecting with them.
M got a job in the worst of economies.
Lived through an entire summer of not-so-perfect internship. I learned to deal with difficult people and tried not to let them get to me. Also had some really interesting experiences - here, here and here.
Also spent a great summer traveling and hanging out with friends and having fun!
Went to India and saw my father as a retired person and realised it is so great to have him home. This could be the first time I spent so much time with him, and I loved it. Bonded with my mom, dad and told them how I met and fell in love with M.
Met M's parents and his entire family, and loved them. I couldn't have asked for better in-laws-to-be.
In the second semester of my Masters I started applying for jobs, with the economy still bleak. I spent hours, days and months just applying and mailing people. Let's just say - I am more than happy and satisfied with the outcome and I got more than I could ever imagine!
Also did I tell you, straight A's in this semester too? (ok, so I took super-easy courses)
Lost my only grandparent - my Aaji
And lastly, but most importantly - grew up. I realized my responsibilities towards family, friends and boyfriend. I became comfortable with the way I look and accepted all my flaws. I became comfortable with who I am and tried to correct what could be.
And finally, came to terms with life's realities like marriage and responsibilities and realized that if you have the right partner by your side, it is all not too big a deal. I am taking things one at a time and by this time next year I might be committed. (Can you believe it? I can't!!). We'll see.

It was a great year for me, I learned a lot about life, love and myself. I hope to be a better daughter, girlfriend and friend, but above all a better me. And that is my resolution.

Have a great year ahead all of you! Hope you find happiness and success in everything you seek!

"Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action"

2009-12-01T09:01:00.001-04:00

Said W.J. Cameron.

So here I go.

I am thankful for M for bringing joy in my life. I am thankful for M's wonderful parents who also support and encourage me in everything. And I am thankful for all the opportunities I have got and for getting what I did. I am thankful for my wonderful family and friends.

And lastly, but most most most importantly I am thankful for my parents who always have and continue to support me through all the decisions in my life, who have sacrificed so many things and continue to do so, so that I could be where I want and who have always stood by me and continue to do so as I face tough times.

I don't know how they do it, but they are my strength. They give me courage and always always are ready to support me through anything! I feel lucky!Thanks Aai Baba. Love you guys.

Trivia

2009-11-18T13:12:00.003-04:00

What do you call a guy who is extremely loving and cute(&hot!) and makes me laugh and really patient with me the whole day, and then some more?
.
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My boyfriend!

Wishing & Hoping & Praying

2009-11-09T11:11:00.002-04:00

...for a happy conclusion. Don't want to be disappointed at the end of it all!

Can't stay away for long!

2009-10-30T09:06:00.003-04:00

I am getting this itch to write something, and my empty head gives me nothing to write (unless you want to hear me crib some more? No, right. See how well I know you!).

So this interesting tag I picked up from Rani.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Well, it has happened more than once. First time I couldn't get over it. The next time, I just said - Shit happens. And I moved on.

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
Find a job that I love. Buy an apartment for aai-baba. Own entire closet(s) for shoes, and have enough money to buy all kinds of shoes!!!

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
There are too many people to list here!

4. What would do with a billion dollars?
Stop looking for job. Start apartment hunting for mom dad. Go shoe-shopping, all around the world! yaay!

5. Would you fall in love with your best friend?
I did. The trouble was he didn't ;) But I would say - you can't really know if you want to be with someone you "date" them.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Both, ideally. Being loved the way you want to be loved, and loving someone the way they want to be loved is a rare find though.

7. How long would you wait for someone you love?
I can't wait. I am very impatient.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Well. Forget about him. Delete him from my orkut, facebook and my life. Life's too short!

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Education.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Ummm. I am sure as hell not disclosing that! :)

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
Tricky question. But one thing I know - I want to be with M after 10 yrs too. It would be interesting to see what new quirks he develops and what happens to the ones present right now!

12. What’s your fear?
Of losing my close ones.

13. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
almost-to-be-married-single & poor-turned-overnight-rich?

14. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
Someone who can love me back. Yes, I am selfish that way.

15. Would you give all in a relationship?
Give all. Take all.

16. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
Still trying to. Just as someone else somewhere might be trying to do the same for me.

17. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Single. No, in a relationship. No wait - single. Naaa - relationship. Ooops - Didn't mean to tell you'll my biography!

So who wants to do this one? M - obviously you. Avanti you? (whenever you find time)

Okay. Can't think of nemore bakras! :) Whoever else wants, would love to read your answers... muhuhahahahahaha

Sayonara.

Typical day...

2009-10-28T08:30:00.003-04:00

...these days is very much like those forwards that all of us have read -

1. Wake up, check mail.
2. Brush teeth, if time permits get coffee/cereal, check mail.
3. Study, apply, read, check mail.
4. Rush to take a bath, get ready, check mail, run out of the house (remember to take a jacket, Fall is here; but forget to have lunch)
5. Come back home, starving, check mail, stuff myself with some junk
6. Check mail
7. Check mail
8. Sleepy, try not to fall asleep(actually rarely am I trying, I am almost always sprawled on the bed even before feeling sleepy), check mail.
9. No mail :(
10. But still, the eternal hope does not die, so check mail & go to sleep
11. Wake up, check mail..
12. You get the picture!

Sayonara

Did you miss me yet?

2009-09-25T16:11:00.003-04:00

No?
Fine. I was gonna say I missed you, but now I don't think I will.

And anyway, I barely have time to write this post, let alone deal with emotions! I just came online to tell you all that, since I am now back to school, this blog as history has seen for 4 semesters now, is gonna go into a sort-of hibernation. More so, with all the job search going on.

But, the good news is (which is assuming that you actually thought of the previous news as the bad one!), since bloggers' itch isn't easy to control, I do mini-blog quite regularly on twitter. So yeah, follow me right there.

And yes, I did meet M's parents and it went well! But the detailed story will have to wait till I can find time enough to get my life, room and closet in order..not necessarily in that order!

Ciao people. See you (hopefully) pretty soon!
Take care...

I miss you...

2009-09-06T17:31:00.001-04:00

This song tugs at my heart. Especially these days.

What's your story?

2009-08-26T17:25:00.004-04:00

Everything has a story. Budding love has a story. Broken up love has a story. Long lost love has a story. Meeting your best friend has a story. Getting your permanent job has a story. I have most of these stories except for the last one. And right now I am trying to walk through one. Hopefully it will have a happy ending. But like every story it has disappointments, rejections and depressions! That part of the story sucks. Doesn't it? I know. I am hoping it ends soon for me. There's also discussion, anticipation and palpitation part left in it. After which I am hoping (with fingers of both hands & toes of both feet & both legs crossed) for the celebration, exhilaration and relaxation(as in breathing a sigh of relief) . Annnyway. I will keep you guys updated about my status with this. Yes I will. So what if you find it boring. It's not a rosy picture all the time is it. That's right it's not. Okay stop arguing already!

In other bit of news I am at home in India for a fortnight!!!!!!!
yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I am so enjoying every moment of this (apart from the walking through the afore mentioned story bit) :)

And I have finally decided to come clean and declare that I too am a shopaholic after I read the confessions of a fellow shopaholic Rebecca Bloomwood from here. It's good to know you are not alone.

So guys...what's your "story"? Are any of you shopaholics? Please share. Me needy some spirit-lifting!

Ciao.

Many people die at twenty FIVE and aren't buried until they are seventy FIVE - Benjamin Franklin

2009-08-13T10:19:00.003-04:00

Okay that is not at all related to what the post is about except in a very subtle way. Rani tagged me for - "FIVE lesser known facts about me" (I assumed, by me she meant me and not her!) Okay okay..I'll cut the crap and state them now....

Hold your breath. Okay don't. I will. Here goes.

1. At one point in my life people thought I was a lesbian.
So why? Well cos -
- I was in an all girls college & all girls hostel.
- I was and still am a very shows-my-affection-openly sorta person - so hugs and kisses even to girls are normal.
- I was in all girls college, so people did not have enough gossip floating around.
And the strangest thing of all is - everybody knew I had a boyfriend, and still they thought this. I think since then I have changed to this neurotic person with a complex of people. That's right. I was very outgoing and friendly before (my parents still think I am), but now I am just plain scared to interact with people, not knowing what they think of me. Yes, it may seem funny now, but it was pretty traumatic - all the negative publicity and dirty "details" that my friends told me people are telling each other. It was ugly. I was too innocent to imagine people could think like that.

And here's my disclaimer - I am not saying being gay is wrong/bad/abnormal. To each his/her own. You are the way you are, and good to be what you are.

My only point is - Negative rumors and hearing horrific details about one's 'lesbian' acts are not a nice supplement for your teenage. Even though you know you are not wrong, you feel ashamed, scared and guilty. I still feel horrible thinking about it, and have told this to very few people in my life(despite half my hostel knowing). I have never written about it, and I don't know if I ever will. But this incident took a hard blow at my self-confidence. I laugh at it now, but it was anything but pretty then.

2. I am terrified of turning 25.
I never planned this but I had assumed turning 25 would bring wisdom and maturity along with more successful life. I don't expect they will be arriving in a month if they haven't till now.

3. I freak out about how my life will change after marriage and kids.
I don't want those changes.

4. I love Bombay.
I have spent the best years of my life there. I am just not sure if I can take it for a lifetime.

5. I want to get into full time social service some time in my life.
And sooner rather than later.

Phew. That was tough.
So now who should I tag for this....hmmm?
I tag M, Rajita, Rambler.

Have fun guys! :)

Woohooo!!

2009-08-13T09:35:00.002-04:00

The Time Traveler's Wife movie is here!!

I so hope its good!!!

I am excited!

Is this for real?

2009-08-10T15:00:00.004-04:00

That's what I thought in my head when I saw a friend request on orkut from my mom. Yea that's right - my mom. I almost fell off my chair when I saw the request. I called her up to confirm if it was really her or someone playing a prank on me. Turns out it was her. She was all chill about it, like yea I joined orkut, now I can keep a watch on you even there, watcha gonna do, types. Actually no, all these were my thoughts. She actually was all cool about it in a way like yea, I've been surfing the net for some years now, writing mails, booking movie, train, flight tickets, googling for things, didn't you see this coming? And she's right. I should have.

So what did I do after confirming it was her who sent the request. I scanned my profile, pics everything to see if there's anything that might offend her. Yea I know, she's all modern in a way to book movie tickets online, google "remedy of insomnia", sms her friends on friendship day and join orkut, but she still freaked out after watching Love Aaj Kal, and was questioning me if it was true that couples today really do all the "stuff" shown in the movie. Trust me I had a hard time trying to change the topic!Damn you Imtiaz Ali. It's weird with moms. One moment they are all modernized what with - "you should wear what you want", "it's okay that you left your previous boyfriend and now have a new one" and "oh I am okay with it.. live with boys if you have to", and the next one they are all "I am very shocked at what they showed in Love Aaj Kal, it's abominable and shameful, I hope you know what I am saying". Phew.

But they are adorable. Just so cute. And lately I am realizing so human:)
In fact if I was being interviewed by CNN and asked to name one human being I am most proud of? It would be this one. My mom. And she does not earn it just by being my mom. No sir. She earns it for being the extra-ordinary woman that she is. I haven't met anybody else who learnt and mastered swimming at the age of 50. Or who learnt to sms or surf the net all on her own(I did not teach her one thing about it). Or who is and always has been the sole point of contact between the rest of the members of family. A great manager-material wasted I would say.

It's not mother's day. Neither is it her birthday. It's just the day I am again reminded of how blessed I am to have her as my mother. And also the day when my mom joins orkut. I think I am going to scan my Facebook profile just in case she catches up with me there too. And thank god I am not on twitter yet!

Later.

8

2009-08-04T10:54:00.008-04:00

8 TV Shows I Love to Watch:
- Sex & the City
- F.R.I.E.N.D.S
- The Big Bang Theory
- That 70's Show
- Full House
- Dekh Bhai Dekh
- KBC
- Any show that is showing latest movies' promos
ps: The reason why most/all of these shows are old is none of my homes since 2000 have had a TV/Cable(First hostel and then student apartment in US)

8 Favorite Places to Eat:
- Home
- Come-in, Pune
- Durga, Pune
- McDonalds
- Quiznos
- The Kebab Factory
- Moby Dick's House of Kabob
- M-cooked prawns & chicken

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
- Came to know about some job opportunities
- Tried to work at getting them
- Bought Oakley's glares for bro
- Ogled at ALDO shoes while at the mall
- Watched "Sach ka Samna" for the first time
- Laughed too hard at a joke that I cracked
- Laughed too hard at a joke that M cracked
- Laughed too much basically, and loved it

8 Things I Look Forward To:
- Watching what happens next in "Sach ka Samna"
- Getting a full time position of my interest
- Meeting my family soon
- Meeting M's family soon(more on this later!!)
- Living & sharing an apartment with M(the reason why marriage ceremony is not on my list is cos I find it a big taxing thing that can be avoided, but can't be!)
- Graduating
- Joining a mentoring program
- Reading a good Agatha Christie book

8 Things I Love About Winter:
(this one's gonna be the toughest, I am thinking of cheating)
- It's not blazing hot
- First day of Snow
- Gloves
- The way I can see my breath
- The warm feeling of entering an enclosed centrally heated place
- Making footprints in the snow
- Closed school due to snowstorm
- I hate too much cold.Third point is a lie.

8 Things on my Wish List:
- Fossil Watch - this, this & this (if anyone's taking notes)
- Pearl-drop earrings
- All seasons of SATC
- Aldo Shoes
- NY&C Clutch & Tote
- Abercrombie Vintage outerwear
- Figure to wear Herve Leger Dress, and then one dress too please!
- Good health & happiness for my entire family, friends & M.

8 Things I’m Passionate About:
- Reading
- Writing
- Traveling
- Watching movies(only in theaters)
- Did I mention Reading
- Community work
- Shopping
- Shoes, Clothes & Handbags

8 Words or Phrases I Use Often:
- Fuck
- Oh man!
- Fucking shit
- LOL
- Shit
- WTF
- Really?
- Frigging

8 Things I Have Learned From My Past:
- Being emotional gets you nowhere
- Speak up, that's the only way to go, even though sometimes crap comes out
- You and you alone are responsible for where your life is, maybe also a little luck
- Value your friends, cherish them, appreciate them
- Listen, think, process, talk. In that order
- Do what YOU want
- Don't let annoying people get to you. Be nice even to them
- Don't take life too seriously
Note: Just because I have realized these things over a period does not necessarily mean I actually follow them. I'm trying. Getting there.

8 Places I Would Love to Go or See or Visit:
- Europe
- Egypt
- Malaysia
- Africa
- Florida
- Australia
- Entire India - New Delhi, Rajasthan, North-East, Lakshadweep everything.
I guess that kinda covered the entire globe.. :)

8 Things I Currently Need or Want:
- To get over with my internship asap
- To pee
- Cute brown peep-toe flats
- Haircut
- Silky hair too, if possible :)
- Manicure & Pedicure
- A nice book to read
- Ideas for gifts for my parents..anyone?

And this folks was the one of the many tags I have got lined up in the pipeline! Avanti tagged me for this one. More to follow, where I am tagged again by her & Rani.. :)
I had so much fun doing this tag. I also realized - sometimes 8 is too big a number, and other times too small. Also that I am quite materialistic, more than I realize :D (All the best M, huh?). Anyhoo...like I mentioned, I am going to meet M's parents soon. And you'll know soon why it is such a BAD idea. But, like a wise friend said to me yesterday - "these things have to be done". Though he said it in context of cutting vegetables & cooking them. I am guessing, the context is a LOT different..eh..never mind. So anyway, more on that later.

First....first first first first...I've got to tag someone...mu hu ha ha ha ha ha...
Here goes -
Rani
Rambler
Pari
Saurabh
Mansi

And anyone else who wants to take this up!! Off I go to finish number 2 in the last "eight".

Later guys!

Someone wrote "placebos"

2009-07-29T10:12:00.004-04:00

I don't even know what that means. And I don't even want to find out. I mean it really does sound like - amoeba or something.

Anyway...this morning suddenly my frustration lifted, while I was reading this. No not the review, the actual book. I was reading the actual book. And I thought, if that kid survived what he was going through, surely my situation can only help me become stronger and more resistant in life. And probably teach me to not let people get to me.

So many things come to my mind that I could write about which slip away before I can find time enough to even make a note in my head. These last few weeks of summer - when it actually feels like summer - keep slipping right out of my hand, except for a few moments like - my scream stuck in my throat when I sat in scream. Or like - after a long day of continuous working - how a friend telling me that she was putting on body wash instead of body lotion for a week, made me laugh like a mad woman. Laughter does help de-stress btw!

Obviously, by now you must have realized there's no real point to this post. And if you are not going to read, I am not going to write any further. I do have self-respect you know!!

Later dude!

I am just so mad!

2009-07-22T13:12:00.003-04:00

That I am not even feeling guilty about sitting in front of someone,wishing bad things for them while they were speaking to me!!

I know. It's not right. I am a bad person. Okay, I'll take back whatever I wished, but if you were in my place you would do the same. People can be so f**king unreasonable and unfair, that you can't believe they are human and not just some animal. Frigging B*****d!!!!

On a much much different and happier note Avanti has tagged me for two tags :)
I will do them as soon as I get some time, which I am really falling short of right now thanks to certain f**king someone!!

Later!

Rare piece

2009-07-16T23:58:00.001-04:00

I am in love with the song AND the video.
Watch.Listen.Relish.

Diet, Distraction & Distance

2009-07-14T04:21:00.006-04:00

On my mind, but not in that order.
So, yea I know all of you are going to say, I don't need a diet. And well, yea looking at me I probably don't. But I really really need to lose some lbs, for my health, as PCOD and Spondylolisthesis become worse if I am even a little overweight, which they now have. Also, a friend was doing this, so I just decided to do it with her, so that I have someone to crib to(apart from M, someone who gets it) while I am at it. Now you ask me, why not some exercise instead, and I would say yes I want to do that too, just that I don't get around to doing it everyday, and this is getting kinda urgent!And so, the mighty have fallen to desperate measures of eating only fruits and vegetables and soups for a week!

Over the weekend, S moved to another city to look for jobs. God alone knows how I am going to manage without her. She defines whatever I know of this city man. We discovered and delighted in its wonders together. She helped me become the person that I am today, that I love to be(though she won't agree!). Together we laughed at the nothing and yet the something in all the nothingness. Actually, I don't have words to describe this loss. After I came back from dropping her, and after she had reached, it hit me while sleeping, I can never just meet her in the middle of the night again. Not that I have ever done that, but it was always comforting to know, I could. I had decided to write so much down...but now I cant bring myself to...I think it's too private, so much that even she does not know about all these thoughts...nobody does.

I also believe, that this diet is giving me an aim, something to focus on so that I don't think so much. Cos, there's nothing much I can do. So these days it's all about finding distractions from things on my mind - missing my family, missing S, trying to come to terms with so many little changes that only I can see....!Changes that cannot be expressed in words...or maybe they can be..but not just yet.....

Later!

It's surprisingly accurate!

2009-07-08T11:16:00.002-04:00

Though I haven't watched the movie....the short description sounds quite correct.....

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Beyond space and time...

2009-07-06T10:01:00.004-04:00

Dear Aaji,

When Aai told me on Thursday night, that you had passed away, I could not digest it. I knew it was coming, and yet it was hard to believe at first. But it sunk in, and I found myself short of breath. I did not know whether I was going to cry. But I did. As much as I had prayed for your suffering to end, despite feeling guilty for it, for so long, I was grieving for a void, that now nobody can ever fill. I was bitter for the fact that, I am now, officially without grandparents. And I was distressed that it has been more than a year since I saw you or spoke to you. The last time when I saw you, you were already losing your memory day by day. You had asked me again and again, about my life in US, how I live here, and I had repeated everything to you again and again. You were weaker and older than any other time that I remembered, and I was filled with sadness, to see you like that. I regretted then bringing you one gift from US, that you could no longer use - a book. You used to love reading, not just Hindi and Marathi, but also, English. I was awed by this, since even Aai declines to read English books if she can help it. But then, you could no longer retain information in your mind for more than a few minutes, to read an entire book. But you appreciated it just the same, looking at me lovingly. My heart breaks to think that I will never ever be bestowed with a love, that only grandparents are capable of, that I will never see you looking at me lovingly and with pride, asking me about my life, my studies.

I remember, Aai complaining proudly, that I am your favorite grandchild and hence she cannot scold me in front of you without making you angry as well. I took advantage of it so many times, getting away with things, that nobody else did. I remember when I was leaving for US, you instructed me to not marry an American. I could see you were worried beyond belief, wondering why I was going at all. I remember you telling me to be guarded and alert, to not roam around alone and to study and finish masters sincerely.

I should have seen this coming, and I think at some level I did too, when I got the news of you being admitted in hospital some weeks back. And I kept praying to God to end your pain, and I kept feeling guilty for it. Now that you are gone, I see my prayers were answered. But I don't feel guilty anymore, now that I know your pain is over finally. And don't you worry Aaji, I will be fine. I will always remember you. I will always look at your struggle in life, when I am struggling. I will always remember your patience and giving nature when I am short of them. I will survive, cos I am your granddaughter and you were a survivor.

When I heard of your departure, I cried bitterly. I regretted not having been in India. For the first time I felt more lonely than ever. And I wanted to hide my face in Aai's lap and bawl. Instead, I cried in my pillow, till I fell asleep. When I called the next day, your body had departed too, with all the rituals complete. I felt some peace to know that. And I felt immense pride when Aai told me that you donated your eyes. Looking at you it's hard to believe someone can be that giving. I never told you this - but I am proud to have had you as my grandma. I say "have had" cos I don't want to stop you from the next journey that you have now undertaken(like Baba says), or want you to hesitate. Don't worry about me, I will be fine. I am sad that you are now gone, but I am happy that you did not suffer much. I will miss you. Always. And I wish I could be more like you - patient, giving and a fighter to the end.

Love,
Me

P.S.: I will always miss the lonacha that you helped Aai prepare every summer, and which never tastes the same if you are not a part of it.

I tagged myself!

2009-07-01T15:37:00.004-04:00

Since nobody was tagging me...like ever(!!) I decided to take initiative and do it myself. I found this here.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"Hope my sun allergy does not increase.."

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
5$

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
Soar

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
My roommate - J...and I had not even seen it till now...thanks to this I just saw it :P

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
I haven't used ring tones since like forever now...but I used to love - "Saathiya" :)

6. What are you wearing right now?
Floral purple and orange chiffon sleeveless top and black trousers, with black thin sweater and black ballerina shoes.

7. Do you label yourself?
Yes. Many times. With many labels.

8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?
I own many(shoes, that is). Some are not branded, some are brands I don't recall(but bought them from DSW), and sports shoes are Reebok, bought them 2 years back.

9.Bright or Dark Room?
Bright. Always. Can't stand darkness. I sometimes like switching the lights on even in a car while traveling at night.

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Found this randomly....while stumbling from blog to blog...but his posts are nice, and I am sure so is he :)

11. What does your watch look like?
A Guess Silver watch with black dial, M gifted me this on my Birthday.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I am pretty sure dreaming things, which I can't remember now! :P

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
A msg from M intimating that he loves me...and asking me why I am so amazing :P

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
"F**k"

15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)
M (if boyfriends are not excluded) :)

16. Last furry thing you touched?
My piglet soft toy.

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
There have been many - but I think 17-18, when I was in junior college, without liabilities, worries and having a ball with friends every frigging day!!

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"Sure." (to a colleague)

19.The last song you listened to?
Right Round - Flo Rida

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Rajgarh (M.P.) [I think..]

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Umm....not really..... :)

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Maybe...I really don't know...

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Mobile phone, Wallet/cards, my forgetful self :P

24. What’s your favorite town/city?
Bangalore, New York City, Boston. In that order.

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
I think my friend "Shruti"(yea thats her name too) in engineering.

26. Can you change the oil in a car?
Hell. No.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
First big crush as in school. Last I heard from him, we were chatting non-sense shit online, and he was working in some company in Bombay.

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My lower back, cos of Spondylolisthesis :(

29.What is your current desktop picture?
Office PC - Blue color.
Personal Laptop - Beautiful black wallpaper with funky art image and music written on it.

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Yep. With my ex. I've never told this to anyone but I used to cry for no reason at all, and be depressed most of the time, when I was with him.
Its the worst. Hope I never be there again. Hope nobody is.

And I tag -
M, Saurabh, Mansi, Guy Next Door, Sai and Pari.
Edited to add: Tagging Chintan & Shamika too. Hopefully this will make them blog! :P

There's something about....

2009-06-26T07:47:00.003-04:00

So, I am sure, the area where I work...there's a serious derth of women. Otherwise how the hell do explain, another guy asking me out in the week following this. Right in the middle of the road no less. If anything, this was more dramatic, but this time I was less brutal (acc to me anyway). And trust me, I am not showing off. I waited, I waited and I waited for people to ask me out for so many years....and now.This. Maybe I am US-material, considering both the guys who asked me out this year(yea, there was one last year too:P) were Americans. :)

In any case, it does make you feel real good! I mean, some guy walking on the road calls out to you from behind, and then struggles to get his words together for at least five minutes before admitting he wants to take you out for coffee. I concluded some happy things about myself from this -
1. I look good from behind(too)!! :P
2. I appear intimidating.

Okay now I gotta rush to work...

Later!

The other end of the spectrum..

2009-06-24T10:11:00.003-04:00

Remember what I had posted a few days back about relationships & how to make one work...
Well, yesterday I saw the other end of the spectrum...aka...M :)
It went something like this -

M - I read on your blog, that you are sad since your conversation with S...What's wrong...?

Me - Nothing, just that we had a sad conversation...

M - About what?

Me - Just the world..and what a bad state it is in...and how people are so difficult to deal with....and how they can be so irrational at times....and about love and relationships...and how just love is not enough to hold a relationship together...

M - Yea...that's true....you also need lust....

LOL!
How can you not laugh at this? Obviously which is what he aimed to do with his statement anyway...! It's too funny.... :)

PS: S is my very very close friend & roommate....

Later!

Thoughts fleeting in & out of my head right about now...

2009-06-22T16:05:00.003-04:00

- I want to talk to M about how bad my day is going....and how the world is being so so unfair to me....Wish he would finish his exam fast...
- Why is S, so disillusioned with love....worrying about it a little....
- Missing mom....everyone at home...wondering how they are...waiting to call till the sun rises on the other side of the globe...
- Am I in a wrong profession?
- I have to blog about several topics before they reach their expiry date....
- Sad...mostly cos of last night's conversation with S....
- What happens next in the book I am reading..

Have you ever noticed...

2009-06-10T18:18:00.002-04:00

...that Shammi Kapoor used to act like he has to pee really really badly, in most of his songs....huh??I believe he was pretty popular...I wonder why?? Has nobody else noticed this?I mean even his expressions are sometimes like that, and that pose, with one leg bent, up and close....you get the picture!

Have a wonderful Wednesday evening!

Finally...

2009-06-08T13:35:00.002-04:00

...got rid of the cheesy name I was using to post my posts - "Enigmatic Illusion"...LOL....

(Today I think is "LOL" day, since I've used it ten thousand times already)

In my defense, I was small(er) when I started this blog & came up with it. I did not know what cheesy was back then. I do now :)

Later!

Block

2009-06-08T10:45:00.003-04:00

I have nothing to write..I mean there are so many things I could write about, but I just can't. So I'll do what I have done so much during engineering viva's - pull out words out of my ass and talk, or in this case, write.

A couple of notable incidents happened last week. One being, ikea shopping and how!! We went there to shop for M as he's moved into his own room now. And we shopped our asses off!! I am big fan of ikea. It's a furniture & household stuff shop. You can just go there, and find every-frigging-thing, that you'll need in your house. The products may not be that sturdy, but they sure have a great display of it, which makes you want to buy them. No. Really. And considering how BIG it is, they manage it pretty well, save for some glitches here & there. I let M build his bachelor's room, with all black, blue stuff, and no colors. After all he did buy that bookcase to keep all my books! It was also the time, he drove a car in US for the first time. I have always seen couples(can't believe I just called us a "couple" indirectly tho it may be, I guess I am growing up, although it did panic me a little to do that!!) fight sitting in those two seats, the driver's & and the navigator's. And as M sucks at directions, I had a more than active role in giving directions :), we also tried. At least, I did by yelling & panicking & fretting more than once, but he only retaliated by singing more !! It was a fun date, and we survived a day of just each other. One down, some 20-odd-thousand more to go! :P

Another one, being (in case you've lost track there were two.... not one, but TWO notable incidents in my life last week, oh yea, I live on the edge, watcha gonna do???). So I was saying, the second incident being, a guy asked me out on the subway, on my way to work. So this is what happened - I got in the train & buried my face into the book, no not to sleep, to read, just like everyday. After some time I looked up and I see this white guy, dressed in an expensive looking suit, looking at me. I looked for a second or two then smiled at him politely thinking, he's never seen an Indian before (that's really really improbable, but I had not been awake for more than two hours, what do you expect!!), and again went back to my book. After some time I looked up again, to see him looking at me again, and smiling at me and waving a hi at me. (Oh yea I read like that, I read for some time & then take a break to think about what I just read, otherwise I get absorbed enough to miss my stop!). So now, this is not new, I have seen many people do that, friendly that they are, I did not think anything odd about it. I only got a little excited thinking he might be working in some fancy bank, and started picturing forwarding my resume to him some time in the future:P. He caught up with me on the next platform of my transfer-stop, and started talking to me. Considering what I had been picturing in my head, I too spoke with him very politely. We exchanged names, and that's it. We got into the next train & I went back to my book, only to be interrupted in two minutes by a hand placing a card in my book. He says to me, "here's a lil bookmark for your book". I go in my head, "lol!". And then he continues, "Would you like to go for dinner with me?". I sense that everybody in the compartment is watching us, but before I can stop myself, I blurt out a loud, "No!". Yea yea I know next time I'll be a little less cruel. He seems shocked, surprised as if he expected me to jump at the opportunity.(Men!). I tried to return his card to him, but he insisted asking me to think about it and call him. I was laughing right in his face, not knowing what to do! Thankfully my stop came & I got off the train, after saying bye to him! I checked the card, and it turns out he owns/works at "Sleepy's". LOL! So much for forwarding my resume! Though now I can think about getting some discount there at the price of looking pretty and going for dinner with him! :P

Awaiting me now, is a long week of putting together, all the stuff we bought from ikea. Its like building lego. Considering that's not one of M's skills, and I like everything my way, I'll be happily hammering & screwing & trying to fit things, while he (hopefully) cooks delish prawns for us :)

Later!

The perfect vacation...

2009-06-03T10:23:00.024-04:00

is all about....

.....some delicious food & alcohol... :)

.....and some beautiful landscape...

.....and some great time with friends....

.....also some alone time "alone" & "with M"..... ;)

.....obviously incomplete without some getting lost....

......and then finally "pwn"ing the trek...

....with some "dangerous" stunts(not by me!)

and living in a beautiful abode & traveling in a sexy car....

Acadia Trip. Memorial Day Long Weekend 2009.
May 23, 2009 - May 25, 2009.

LOL

2009-06-01T12:37:00.002-04:00

Meaning of my name acc to Urban dictionary

Later! :)

To make a relationship work

2009-06-01T11:11:00.005-04:00

So, soon it will be a year of me being in a relationship. A second one. Not that I am proud of admitting I have been in more than one, but neither am I repentant about it, obviously. Sometimes things just don't work out. And I consider myself really really lucky to have found somebody, again.

So what makes it work, or not work?
From what I have learned till now, hiding you feelings, drowning your voice in lieu of not hurting the other one, and not giving yourself the due importance you own, NEVER works. And even though it seems like it, it wasn't so obvious for me.

So, if you are looking to absolutely not make it work(for what reason, I don't care), follow this religiously -
1. Suffocate the other one, by instructions, nagging, and questioning them on their thoughts, actions, hobbies, habits.
2. Try to change them, by telling them to goto gym, making them listen to your type of music, making them watch your type of movies, making them do what you like, making them eat what you like, making them wear what you like, asking them to change their values and pretty much mold them into what you want, and don't care if they lose their individuality and happiness meanwhile! You got what you want, who cares!
3. Insult & fight with them, over things they do differently. Mock their values, and thoughts. Ridicule their opinions.
4. Completely ignore what they like.
5. Give priority to everybody except them.
6. Don't trust them! Display your distrust, in public!
7. Also make sure to make no sacrifices for them, what-so-ever.
8. Doubt their capabilities, and do NOT show support & encouragement in difficult times.
9. Discuss your relationship problems with everybody but them.
10. Most importantly, keep pretending that things are going fine!

On the other hand, if you do want it to work, some things, which at least for me are really important are -
- Give each other the due space, not just in life, but in habit, way of life, hobby, activities.
- Give each other the freedom of thought & opinion.
- Respect each others' opinions, and learn to live with them, if possible learn to love & appreciate the beauty of difference.
- Take time to show your appreciation of this difference in thoughts, habits, hobbies, by adapting it once in a while. (for girls - if it means cracking fart-jokes, do it!) (for guys - if it means shopping whole day, go for it!)
- Learn to love, show-off your affection, even in public. (I never had to learn this, tho! :P)
- Learn to assert and put your foot down, for your loved one, even in front of your family, if need be.
- Appreciate the little sacrifices, you both make for each other. I always thought only the girl suffers on the friendship front with her girlfriends, but I realised, so does the guy with his friends.

Apart from the above and some other obvious ones like trust, faith etc etc....it also takes a lot of patience. No two people are same. Can never be. Learn to love the things you don't like about them. Learn to be patient. Also, the thing that is most needed, and almost always ignored, is reassurance. And its needed by both, not just the girl.

I swear I did not pick this out of Cosmo, but I sure do sound like it. And even though these have been iterated time & again, I felt I wanted to note them down. I don't know if a year is enough to judge where a relationship stands. I guess if you are happy, then you are good.

I just want to tell you M, that I am very happy (touch wood) with you. I love you. And I love your singing too, just don't land us behind bars for it, and we'll be good! :D I know we started off roughly, but since then you have made sure we don't sway :). I know and you know, how paranoid I was(sometimes I still am), how difficult it is for you sometimes to shrug off my past, how angry your past actions make me still, but despite all of this we have lasted almost a year(about a month short)!! Yaay for us!! It does not scare me to say that I want to see many more milestones with you. No wait, I am EXCITED to see them!! And also, love you for always always putting my interest before yours. And also being patient with me, with all my tantrums & complaints! And finding me beautiful & sexy when I myself don't feel like it. And wanting to know me inside out, beyond & above anyone has ever ventured to know. And trying to do that. And dreaming for me, dreaming for us. And....so much more....!

Also, stop goofing around and finish "The Kite Runner". And teach me Tennis. Also don't question me about this post. Cos with us, we have an edge due the natural chemistry we share! :)

And lastly - touch wood, touch wood, touch wood!!

For you -

Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
I'm running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We will still belong to each other

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose,
There's my territory

- Shakira, "Underneath your clothes"

Edited to add - No more "happy anniversary, awww" mushy comments please :) they are just umm..too mushy!! Saurabh you were the first one so you are excused!! Comments on the rest of it, most welcome :)

Say No To Corrupt Ministers

2009-05-21T11:00:00.002-04:00

The Times of India
May 21,2009

Readers will recall that this paper, through its Lead India initiative, ran a sustained and hard-hitting ‘Say No To Criminals’ campaign in the run-up to the elections. It was therefore with a modest sense of vindication that we reported in our special election edition of May 17 that the Indian voter had given candidates with criminal records a resounding thumbs down.

The time has come to also say no to corruption. The strongest signal Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh can send out to venal netas and their babus is to pack the cabinet with honest and efficient men and women. Let us not continue with ministers who have so brazenly bled the system. The clean-up needs to start at the top. How can we blame the pitiably paid traffic constable or the lowly government clerk for trying to make a buck on the side when their big bosses—be they politicians or bureaucrats—are making a million times more? Corruption has become endemic. Worse, and this is the really sad part, we have come to accept it as a way of life. The fact is, corruption penalizes the honest, distorts important decisions and policies, weakens the moral fibre of a society, and, most grievous of all, robs the really needy. In the extreme, it compromises the safety and security of our country and our people and is therefore as anti-national as an act of terror.

The people of India have given the Prime Minister and the Gandhis a historic opportunity to make a difference. Manmohan’s refusal to back down from the nuclear deal and Rahul’s insistence on soldiering on solo in UP proves they are made of sterner stuff than they were credited with. Keeping out the dishonest is not going to be easy—especially with nominees of Congress’s allies in the UPA—but good governance is also about taking hard, unpopular decisions that fly in the face of political expediency. It’s time we jettisoned our politics of cynicism for a politics of conscience. We are aware that the pundits will laugh this off as the naivete of the hopelessly idealistic, and say “that’s not how the system works”. But change comes because someone somewhere has the courage of conviction—no matter how foolish—to tilt at windmills.

Wow...I am so happy, I am not alone who thinks like this...
The change WILL come! :)

Random at its peak...

2009-05-18T12:06:00.003-04:00

So...for a while now, I have not updated my blog with a detailed post. Partly(here comes the usual whining!!) because I have been so lazy(ha ha..got you there!) and partly cos, I have been a little busy with the semester(and this was the whiny part for those who are confused!)...

Anyhow..I am right now on a summer internship, which also keeps me busy most of the week...and weekends are a fast-paced blur of - movies, drinking, dining....! I want to say that it was a good sem, cos well it really was. I took up good & interesting courses...and learned a lot of new things. I spent most of the semester in the library, and I did not sleep most nights..which does not mean I slept less..cos I more than made up for it during the day sleep! :P

I wondered more than once during the semester, why do they make these courses so darn difficult that there is no place left in life other than studies??I mean there was always something to do..there was never a time when I would sit back for a couple of days knowing all my pending work is done and the new work is gonna come not so soon. No way sir....before I had finished the current work..there was always more piling up!! I then decided, that all the teachers in the world have at some point in time, decided to make life as busy as possible for us students, so that....well I don't know what purpose it serves...if I knew, I wouldn't have been questioning it...right?In any case..it sucks!

Speaking of which, as soon as the summer started, I went online and ordered a bunch of books I planned to read in the summer. I could not read even one new book during the semester..though I did manage to read Jeffrey Archer's Cat O'Nine Tales again :). And now since two weeks of alleged summer/spring have passed us by(though it barely feels like summer here in Boston..damn!) I am happy to announce, that I have already checked one book off the list, which being - Wuthering Heights. And also sad to add that I did not like it at all :(. I mean, I am all for classic love stories(I love love love Pride & Prejudice), but this is not one of them. And the lesser said about it the better. Maybe its me..I was expecting too much..and the least I expect when I read a love story is to like and relate to the protagonists, and this one failed to arouse either emotion in me. Forget liking, I couldn't even sympathize with them. Oh well...! So after that I started reading this book called The Time Traveler's wife by Audrey Niffenegger , another love story which seems really good till now. At least once you get past the fact that it involves time traveling. More updates once I finish it, and I am quite expectant of this one.

And I saw Angels & Demons the movie, this Friday. I was excited to see it, as this book was one of my favs! And I am glad to say that I was more than happy with the outcome. I know many people who have read the book say they did not like it, but I would say that this time they managed to take the best & the most relevant parts of the book and made a good nice movie out of it. Yes he took some liberty to change many parts, but I think it all comes together really well. And as much as I hate to admit, I liked the ending of the movie more than the book's. Ok ok...for those who haven't seen it yet, I will not say anything further. Go watch it for yourself, and let me know what you think!

Over the weekend I also decided to learn to drive and get a license, cos as much as I hate driving, I think I would like to have the freedom to zoom off to long drives, without having to depend on someone. It's going to take a little time, but I will do it.

And next weekend, it being a long weekend, I am off to Acadia National Park with some friends. It looks promising, we have booked a cottage, and we are obviously going to buy a lot of food & alcohol! And I've heard that its beautiful out there...

Later!

Just came online to declare...

2009-05-17T03:08:00.002-04:00

...I am drunk and happy!! :)

Haaaa!!!

Feels so good.... :)

I like putting smileys :)

I put them in professional emails too :)

:) :) :)

I love this song...It portrays what I feel in love...fast..slow..fast..slow..and a sweet feeling in my heart....I'm loving it.....(touch wood!!)

Later!

Visual DNA...apparently :P

2009-05-12T11:55:00.001-04:00

The latest new here is...

2009-05-06T09:52:00.003-04:00

Currently reading - Wuthering Heights...
Currently eating - A lot more times at home than before!
Currently sleeping - Little..no make that a lot less than I would like..
Currently drinking - Only water most of the times to avoid extra calories..
Currently feeling - Lost & forlorn...

Good things -
- Good grades
- Have a job in this economy
- Have people around me who love me a lot

Bad things -
- Miss someone a lot
- Miss my old job
- Still can't fit into size 2

What about you??

~Me & my cons~

2009-04-05T18:41:00.003-04:00

- I feel jealous very very quickly and easily.
- I am very very possessive when it comes to some people and in a bad way.
- I am not good at maintaining personal relationships.
- I am anti-social, in a big big way.
- I don't remember dates, names OR faces.
- I have very very bad memory.
- I lack sensitivity intuition BIG time.
- I can't talk to people unless they talk to me.
- Which means I can't talk to most people.
- I can NEVER talk about my feelings without feeling awkward.
- I hate feeling awkward.
- Hence I almost NEVER talk about my feelings.
- I hate melodrama.
- And yet ironically my best friends are very dramatic! (not a cons just a fact to note).
- I talk too frankly and bluntly(edited from "sharply" as suggested by someone), which almost always hurts people who are close to me. I don't want to change that about me, but I really think I should.
- I am a very confused person when it comes to most things.
Added these as suggested by the same someone-
- I have double standards

Later!

PS: This is not an exhaustive list. More to come later.

Found a quote...

2009-04-05T18:19:00.001-04:00

...related to the previous post and mood -
"When you are through changing, you are through."
- Bruce Barton

I don't know what the title should be!

2009-04-05T17:42:00.003-04:00

Disclaimer: This is most impromptu post I've ever written.

Today marks the birthday of 2 closest friends. One goes a long long way back, some seven years, and another just two. And yet, I feel I have lived a lifetime with both of them. Seen so many ups and downs...and today I am just glad, to still have them around.

But when I look back, from the time I came to US, life has changed so rapidly in just a span of two years, that its almost impossible to catchup with it and cope. So many friendships made, broken, mended....and some just remain in a limbo...Or maybe I am just in denial of them being broken.

When I try and evaluate, I cannot help but wonder, when did it become so difficult to make and maintain friendships? When did it become a thing that came naturally to me, to a thing that I find myself struggling with today? When did I turn into an anti-social being who cannot keep even two steady friends in life? Or am I just over-reacting?

My mind is just going crazy with questions right now!!
uuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! I hate it!

An excerpt from..

2009-03-17T02:16:00.002-04:00

...something I had to read for this presentation...
"Hindsight can sometimes see the past clearly—with 20/20 vision. But the path of what happened is so brightly lit that it places everything else more deeply into shadow.."

Another proof...

2009-03-17T00:40:00.001-04:00

...of how desperate the situation is...!

Feeling blue...

2009-03-14T20:19:00.003-04:00

Soche dil ki aisa kaash ho,
Tujhko ek nazar meri talash ho,
Jaise khwab hai ankhon mein basse meri,
Waise neendon pe silvate pade teri...

It's incredible...

2009-02-28T06:29:00.002-04:00

...How sometimes we ourselves can't take the same kind of treatment we give others...!

Judgments...

2009-02-12T07:53:00.002-04:00

...have been made on me, by people who barely know me, and they have not hesitated to point them out openly. And obviously, they were not pleasant. As much as I try, I can't shrug it off. I am feeling bad. Maybe the reason is that, I never show my judgments to anybody. And I let people walk over me a little. Will try and stop doing that. Just for the record, to all those who judged me w/o knowing me, or without thinking how I would feel, f**k you, and may you rot in hell!!
I feel a lil better already...phew :)

Fighting with yourself...

2009-01-28T07:16:00.003-04:00

Isn't that something, that all of us do, or are made to do, at one point or another. I have seen it closely, a little too closely. Day in and day out, living with yourself, and hating yourself. It's not nice. So many people, so many relationships, so many conflicts and so many milestones. Some good. Some bad. Some trivial. Some crucial. Some not given so much as a thought even. And some, pondered, wondered, churned over till your insides felt they would bleed. So many thoughts, so many doubts. So many opinions, and so many judgments to face. In the end, all you can do is buckle up good, believe in yourself, and love yourself, just like you loved that beautiful pair of shoes, which gives you the worst of sores but the best of compliments? After all, who knows whether what happened was good or bad? After all, isn't all we do, is only obey a command from up, up above? Then why hate yourself. Then why fight yourself. And why believe what people think of you? Why not believe what you want to, and move on to new horizons? Why not make new memories and erase the bad ones? Why not just stop fighting with fate, life and most importantly yourself? Why not just enjoy the here and now? Why not?

What the hell is going on?

2009-01-24T04:46:00.002-04:00

Well for one, I'm back in school. And may I just say - it sucks! Whoever said, student life is the best time of your life, obviously did not do their masters in US of A, that too in a period of recession. Its back to the world of assignments, and deadlines, and working even after 6 in the evening. Sometimes even overnight! But its okay, this too shall pass, and I think sooner than I want it to.

On a different note, the reason why that title appears so strong is because, I'm freaked, appalled almost, at the thought of how old I am getting. I feel old because everyone around me is either getting engaged or married. It's just too much. I am still a kid. How are girls my age even thinking of getting married already??!! Now this seems like a controversy, right? I think I'm a kid, and I am feeling old. But thats the thing, I know I am a kid. But all these happenings around me make me think, something's terribly wrong with me, which in most cases is not a very pleasant thought to have. So....thats the other things thats going on!

But all in all, I am (dare I even say it?) happy. Cool with my life as of now. (Touchwood!!)
:)

Peace.

"Hello Ditcher!"

2009-01-24T04:06:00.003-04:00

Said my friend on the phone, when I called to ask her when we all roomies were going for dinner? Agreed I was late. I had a date with "someone", and I had told them I'll join them after I meet him. And in all fairness to everybody(and mostly to me ;)) I did plan the date thing way before this dinner plan came up. And I tried to make it there too. And I did, although a half hour late than the suggested time of turning up!

All I'm asking is, why am I the ditcher?? If I said no to my plan with him, I would be as much of ditcher there as I was being called here. Then, why? Why is it that a girl has to choose and be a ditcher at some place. Why can't she rely on both parties to understand and co-operate since obviously they are both important to her, and she tries her best to be with both. Just that, there are some things like existential crisis, when it comes to existing in two places at the same time, which is not really covered under the wide arena of capabilities that humans possess. Why is it even an "issue" I don't understand. And in all fairness (to me) I will do as I wish, and I shouldn't have to answer anybody. Because I have learned it the hard way, doing what you don't want to do, never makes you even one bit happy.

So to all girlfriends out there, in both senses of being one to a guy and being one to girls(and I don't mean this in a lesbian sort of way, for all you perv-minded) - please do as you please, cos when it comes to being happy, nothing else can make you as happy, and please cut your friends some slack, its hard enough trying to balance a life with boyfriend and friends, but don't make her choose between the two. Don't put her through it. Remember it could be you too!

Peace!

God save the Wall Street!!

2009-01-14T10:40:00.003-04:00

“This disparate treatment, unappealing as it is, appears unavoidable,” Mr. Bernanke said(about pouring hundreds of billions of more taxpayer dollars into financial companies — especially when other industries were getting the cold shoulder.) “Our economic system is critically dependent on the free flow of credit.”

And still they send me atleast 2 mails of free credit cards, every month! What is with these guys?? Do they act dumb, or are they just plain that!

Gawd!

With nothing to do...

2008-12-30T18:47:00.005-04:00

This is what happens, a rediscovery -

1. I am very forgetful, and I am really really bad at remembering important dates including birthdays, anniversaries and such more.

2. I am really bad at remembering names too.

3. I find cute bartenders, well....really cute.

4. I love my family till the point of being unreasonable with others to make them happy.

5. I love shoes.

6. I am going to get a tattoo someday, but not just yet, cos I feel I'm not ready for it yet.

7. I also am going to get a degree in literature someday.

8. I like New York in general, but absolutely love it only with one person :)

9. I really love fruit martinis.

10. And I love writing about me... :P

Realising once again...

2008-12-30T01:03:00.006-04:00

....how mean people are.....and more so when in a position of power or have an upper hand! And once again depressed, how hopeless the world seems.....You know when it feels like you can't take it anymore...Just can't put up with it....And wondering, if this will ever end?

You know...

2008-12-29T22:59:00.001-04:00

The reason it hurts so much to be apart is because our souls are connected.

Is it?

2008-12-25T21:18:00.002-04:00

She should have seen it coming. It was building up like a climax scene in a play. There were his friends. And there was lamb curry, his favorite. And there was this entire two whole days of missing him and trying not to. And there was this entire movie having been watched that afternoon, where every scene, all she could think of was - "what would he say in this scene, how would he mock aamir khan here" and then smile secretly imagining how funny it would have been. Having spent the entire movie wincing at the gory shots, wishing he was there to put his arm around her, so that she could bury her head in his shoulders and didn't have to watch them. So is it really weird that after such a day she started crying the moment she heard his voice, miles away from India calling only to tell her that he loves her and misses her a lot??!!
Is it??

Will you be free for dinner tonight?

2008-12-11T01:08:00.004-04:00

The SMS said. From him. I waited 6 years for it before I stopped waiting. Another 3 have passed since then. I moved on. Long back. Don't believe me? Well you have no choice..do you? Anyway...we are friends. Always have been. Except for that brief period that I thought we were something more than friends. And upon asking I was bluntly told it wasn't so. "I never thought that way about you." Okay. Fair enough. Then why the fuck were we acting/talking/behaving the way two people do only when they fancy each other? For more than a month? Talking everyday and every night till very late. Till I tried to confirm things were what I thought they were. Or god knows how long that might have gone on. I don't feel anything for him. But I still feel very much cheated. Even today. Still feel angry at myself and him. As angry as I felt then. As humiliated. Even after these many years. But I still am going to take up this invitation. The hurt & innocent teenager inside me is very much tempted to stand him up. Make him feel at least fraction of the pain that I felt. But I know I couldn't do this to him or to anybody for that matter.

So. I'm going to say yes to an invitation I longed to receive years ago and which now, doesn't have any more effect on me than watching an ant crawl. And try to purge my heart of the anger, not cos I forgive him but only cos any of my emotions are not worth that ass of a guy whom I still consider a friend.

PS: I still think of him as a friend. Just wanted to get this off my chest. I didn't think it would come out so strongly when I started writing. Thought I was just documenting the odd ironies of life. Oh well! :)

Dedicated to my most faithful albeit mute reader

2008-12-04T01:48:00.003-04:00

Thank you. I don't know anybody else who reads my blog as regularly as you do. Nobody else motivates me and encourages me to write(this being just one of the millions of things you encourage me for) like you do. And you even remember to strategically mention my posts in our conversations. You never comment, and I don't think you ever should, cos thats what(one of the things but not limited to it) makes you stand apart and oh-so-special! I like the mystery, I like the excitement of writing something and waiting to see if you have read it. May I say just how much it means to me? It means more to me than a hundred dinners, a thousand gifts, and a million surprises. I hope you get what I am trying to say, oh but wait, you get it sometimes without even me having to say it.So I am not worried...I am now, only waiting to hear what you have to say about this very post.

And ya...thank you, for being you :)

What women want?

2008-12-04T01:39:00.002-04:00

PS: Wrote this a long time back too. I think - 01/03/2008. Thoughts still the same on this one though as opposed to this.

For years men have been asking the question - What women want?
Do you know why men still have not found an answer to it? Because it's frigging wrong question to ask in the first place! The question is not what women want.....the real question is what is it that the woman wants?

I myself never gave this even so much of a fleeting thought before...Why did I think about it now? Because I started wondering what is it that I want? I started talking to my friends, what is it that they wanted? I realized its all different. Not only is it different, it is also dependent on who the guy is. Interestingly, expectations keep changing as the focus changes. [I don't think this is that true though, basic needs of a woman (with a huge emphasis on A or THE WOMAN, for all those guys who read this - never generalize with women) never change].

Have fun! ;)

Why is it not enough?

2008-12-04T01:32:00.001-04:00

Written on - 03/29/2008
Disclaimer: Been sitting on my computer for too long. Tis high time it saw the day light. These were my thoughts in March. My thoughts changed drastically in June. Will soon udate why, how and what of that in another post.

I am sitting here in Au Bon Pain, a snack/lunch/dinner cafe, something of a bistro(w/o the wine!). A beautiful dusk, but cold and windy. And I have a project to work on (ugghhh...so what else is new?). But obviously, here I am writing this post looking all important and consumed in my work ;). I look around. Groups of people sitting everywhere. Only one couple. And even they don't look like stereotypical couples. Most are with friends. Probably 60-70% of them are single too. ( I can't tell, really, I don't think there's anyway to tell, but I am just estimating for my own benefit :)).

Then why is it that most of us (read - each and every one of us) is looking for that someone special. We have wonderful friends, busy lives, things to do. Why do we even need that kind of shit? My friend happens to think, that when we look around we see people, with each other, all sappy, lovey-dovey and I'm-there-for-you-baby; and it rubs off you as a little something called "longing". I happen to disagree. I have no idea why, but I can't stand couples getting cozy around me. It somehow seems like an act of showing off . I rather look up to couples, who can just look at each other, and they know what the other one is thinking, without actually having to ...ummm.....demonstrate!! Okay, jokes apart, isn't that what we call chemistry, the sheer attraction between two people, who only they can feel and understand, and others can only feel there's something, but can't put a finger on exactly what it is. Alright....coming back from our little digression there (Clap Clap!!Snap back to reality!), the point I was trying to put forth was, even if you don't see such things around you, there's a little part in everybody which is searching, looking, seeking!

Is it companionship? kinship? security? comfort? having someone to praise you on those bad-hair days? :D or just having someone?
What is it that induces us to feel the way we do? And what should one do when struck by it? Fight it? Embrace it? Act upon it? Or just ignore it?

Any answers??

2008-12-04T01:02:00.002-04:00

When I heard about the siege in Mumbai,it was mid-day in office and I was shocked but only a little, with the recent happenings, I thought this is another one of those, although distressed(I can't believe I am saying this) I was not, well, as shocked and devastated by it right away. But what followed has appalled me to the core, and more than that I am ashamed to admit that we as a country failed to deal with it as well as one would have expected. Especially being in a foreign country, where I meet people from all nationalities, and yet I have not discussed this with any of them, because I don't have any justification for how bad & irresponsible India looks on world map today!

Some of the things that more-than-bothered me were -

- If the gunmen can enter a hotel like Taj or Oberoi, from as simple a place as a back door, in what capacity do these places call themselves five stars or whatever when people carrying guns and ammunitions can just walk inside?

- Why is the police(which is the primary and major security force of a country) still carrying those ancient weapons which are now only suitable to be placed in the museum?

- Why is the media of our country allowed to/showing live telecast of how the NSG is trying to attack the terrorists? Didn't it strike anybody that, if I sitting here in America can view it live, so can the people instructing those gunmen over the satellite phones, thus not only putting them a step ahead of us always, but also endangering the very lives of these forces? How difficult is it to be a responsible media in such times of crisis, or is having the highest TRPs the only thing people understand these days? Shouldn't this basic lesson of morality and common sense be taught to reporters & journalists that they may be here to enlighten general public, but they should not become an hindrance in security operations at the very least, and definitely not aid the terrorist through some foolish act such as this?

- Is resignation of a handful of ministers really going to solve anything? Is taking your son and a filmmaker to a site so grave has only a punishment of being made to resign almost at the end of your term?

- Why is the financial capital of our country even after being hit so many times, still not been provided with the kind of security services it should be?

- And now, when it is over, why do I have this sinking feeling in my heart that just like before this too shall be pursued for a month by the media and general public before being abandoned/forgotten/given up on, till something even worse strikes?

Even as I write this, I am tempted to end this post right here, at the questions and not go on to write the cliched - 'I still have hopes for a better tomorrow, cos from inside I feel utterly hopeless, maybe cos I am sitting so far away from my motherland, doing 'something' becomes even more difficult, although I cannot imagine, what is it that I could have done if I was there. But, still, my undying hope and faith in my country does not allow me such despairing thoughts, and so thus I reiterate what millions of bloggers have written across the web - There's still hope. We can make a difference. Let's show them their place. Lets do it. Lets strive for a more secure and beautiful future!

Amen!

Read this...

2008-11-12T20:59:00.002-04:00

...in the gym, while on stepper. Yes, yes, I am finally facing the truth that the extra cushion under my skin which so comforting to sleep in, especially if you are sleeping on a sleeping bag every night, is not so comforting to the eyes, or the clothes, which are now ready to burst at seams and scream "Horror!!", at being tortured by forcing my chubby self into them size 2 clothes, where yours truly is now somewhere between 4 and 6. (Actually 6, but latest shopping has seen me in denial and buying only size 4 clothes which at least spells healthy rather than huge.)

Anyway, it made a good read and also enabled me to work those 5 min more and lose another 20 calories to hit 200!

The Top 20 Things Oprah Knows for Sure

Since the day the late Gene Siskel asked me, "What do you know for sure?" and I got all flustered and started stuttering and couldn't come up with an answer, I've never stopped asking myself that question. And every month I must find yet another answer. Some months I feel I hardly know a thing, and I'm always pressed to make the deadline for this column. This time around, in honor of our tribute to the subject, I looked back and came up with my all-time top 20:

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)

2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.

3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.

4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)

5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.

6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.

7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)

8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.

9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.

10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.

12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.

13. Let passion drive your profession.

14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.

15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.

16. Every day brings a chance to start over.

17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.

18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.

19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.

20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)

So thanks, Gene, for asking me the question. The answer continues…

You can find the article here.

Can't believe...

2008-11-07T03:46:00.001-04:00

This is still happening! :(

The sad saga of the phone(s)!

2008-11-05T22:37:00.003-04:00

To be really honest, this post is an outcome of my irritation, frustration, aggravation, vexation and some more 'tions', which were caused by mishaps surrounding the said phone, which incidentally and not surprisingly, was mine!!

So, it all started with, me deciding to take my phone with me while I was jogging(ahem!). And me deciding to wear tracks which didn't have pockets(what the f*** was I thinking!?). And then me deciding my hair was not tied quite right and was an obstruction while running(Well, I was running on a track lined with cute guys!!!). Since this task requires both my hands, I decided the best bet would be hold my phone in my mouth(!!!!!!). And then the Lord above decided, that's it sweetheart, you don't get to decide anymore. And He decided, to drop my phone in to the frigging river by the side of which this track is!!!! Which resulted into me going without a phone for a week...the first time.
Yes it happened again. And again.

The next time I had to go without a phone for a week was when I forgot my charger in another city, assuming my second charger from the visarjanofied phone is still at home, only coming home to discover that I cannot discover it!!! It has disappeared from the face of earth, and the police is still looking for it!

And then now, again I am abandoned by my phone, which, one fine evening decided to just power off and die. Forever. And then AT&T decided they couldn't decide whether I did fall into the 30-day bracket for phone replacement or not, resulting in me visiting them multiple times with no phone.

Why? Why me???

Currently listening to...

2008-10-28T23:02:00.002-04:00

quite repeatedly...!
Me thinks Madonna looks hot despite hitting 50(Who would believe that!). Her attitude and her walk and her voice....like it all! Don't care much about Justin Timberlake though... :|
What say you?

Just a thought...

2008-10-23T23:02:00.001-04:00

I think I'd rather be caught with bad hair than with bad shoes!!!

Lost innocence or changed for better?

2008-10-22T20:02:00.005-04:00

Recently one of my close friends came to US, just like I had only a year back. She and I similar in more than one ways, to the extent that, sometimes I see my thoughts being spoken by her, without me having to say them. So when I was talking to her when she had just arrived, I found myself saying - yea I used to think the same way or yea I used to say that too more times than I would have liked. Many times when I found her thinking in a particular way which was naive and emotional, I immediately gave her harsh dose of reality which nobody had given me. I realized I was as innocent then. And I learned things the harder way. I didn't even notice I was doing that untill she pointed out after a month or so, that yea some things happened, and I thought of you like how you had warned me against it. I realized then I need to stop. i need to stop this subconscious effort of warning her that what she sees now is completely different from what it will be a year from now. And although it is a hard and staggering reality to digest, it is still better to deal with such shocks as they come, than being warned about them a year in advance...

But in the light of all this I can't ignore the fact that i have evidently changed so much. And when I see me now, a completely different me compared to only year back, I can't help but wonder - along the way did I lose my innocence or did I change for better?

Random thought....

2008-10-08T23:49:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, a simple thing like reading a newspaper can make you realize how deeply connected you are to your roots, to the place where you grew up and spend more than 2 decades of your life.

I was reading news - New York Times. And then I opened the ePaper version of The Times of India. And then I read the entire paper for an hour. I went through every article, every small news about India. I suddenly realized, I don't even care what I read in New York Times sometimes, but I was actually reacting to the news here. I was feeling happy, sad, irritated, relieved and many other emotions sitting so far away from India. I felt nostalgic, sad and longed to be back. Its' not perfect - what with Amitabh Bachchan visiting Tirupati making a breaking news for a week - its definitely far from perfect.

It's....well it's just home....and is beyond adjectives like these!!

Few realizations of late!

2008-08-06T23:25:00.003-04:00

- Carpe diem. Seize the day. Seize the moment. This moment, this time will never come in your life again. Be the moment sad or happy, live it to the fullest, you may never get a chance to feel it again!

- Always do what you want. You can never be happy doing something that others want you to do. Doing what you want will make you happy.

- Say 'No' if you want to. It's prfectly OK to say no. There's never a reason to feel guilty in exercising the right of saying no.

- Do not let others walk all over you. Ever. No matter who they are.

- Just go with the flow in life. Stop thinking or worrying about future. It NEVER helps.

Real Life or Fairy Tale?

2008-05-20T16:17:00.002-04:00

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was given a choice. A choice of living in the fairy tale or real life. I don’t remember what I chose. But when I woke up I was very confused. What would I choose? What would anyone choose? I discussed this with my friends. One of them agreed with me, that the real life is too real sometimes. Sometimes we need those fairy tale moments just to reinforce our beliefs. But given a choice would we choose to abandon the real world and go live in a fairy tale? A place where there are difficulties to overcome, battles to be fought, combination of good and bad people to deal with; just like our world. But there’s also an end to it all. There’s also the magic potion, the handsome prince charming, and the funny friend always standing by your side! And most importantly there is ALWAYS “a happily ever after”. And there I thought I had my answer. Obviously yes!

But somewhere inside, I was not satisfied. It’s the damned beliefs I tell ya! Even though here, it was the belief in my own world. Despite that I come to hate it so much sometimes, the fact that it was my own to hate, was not allowing me to let go of it so easily, even in my post, even fictionally! I wondered why it was so difficult to accept an easy choice? Because we are trained to distrust the easier options? Or was there some other catch? I kept thinking, not just for hours, but for a good couple of days (wow, I really must care after all, think of all the time I spent thinking for the world I don’t even like most of the times!!). And then like a brick it hit me right in the head! ‘Seeing stars in broad daylight’ excluded (Sorry to disappoint you all!). The catch is – A fairy tale is good for only one person, the main character! It’s nice and happy in the end only for the Snow Whites, the Cinderellas, and the Shreks. What if, you are one of the dwarfs, or the ugly sister, or god forbid the Donkey!! And that’s the best thing about real world. We may not have magic potions, but we do have support of our family and friends which gives more strength than any magic potion. We may still have to deal with good and bad people and have battles to fight, but we know it’s all manageable. And there is no single happy ending, but there are many happy pauses, which work just as well, sometimes even better! And most importantly, in real life, you are the main character, the hero, the star of your story! For better or for worse!

Sayonara!